Blizzard announces players can now personally deliver esports feedback directly to the trash where it belongs
In a press conference this Friday, Jeph Kaplan proudly announced that Overwatch players can now personally deliver esports feedback directly to the trash where it belongs.
“We have been working for several months on this exciting new aspect of the Overwatch experience. PTR, forums, Q&A panels, r/competitiveoverwatch, the #feedback channel in The O.W. — these are all things of the past,” began the lead game designer.
“In order to be on par with the groundbreaking philosophy of the Overwatch League (soon^TM), we have decided to install a new, interactive feature at our campus in Irvine, California.”
The bin was unveiled at a gathering that consisted of the head game designer, OWL event coordinators on their third lunch break of the day, and Robert Kraft. After a few words and a round of applause, the trashcan was placed outside of the front gates.
The trashcan is stainless steel and includes a custom weather-proof cap and embellishments. “We beat it with bats and hammers to make it resemble players’ souls after their fourth round of 2CP with a Symmetra one-trick and a solo-rezzing Mercy main,” explained an intern from the art department.“We felt that we needed to give the players a way to express themselves, while still letting them know that we don’t fucking care,” said a spokesman.
A representative stressed that while yes, Roadhog might be able to randomly right-click headshot you from across the map and yes, D.Va is able to absorb every ability in the game and yes, the World Cup is a glorified popularity contest that Rogue is going to win and no, no one is excited for even more assault maps (now in space!), and — wait, where was this going?
Anyway, Blizzard is already working on their eighteenth special event of the year, so you can deposit your complaints in Irvine and then buy some more loot boxes because you need another D.Va skin.
It is also alleged that the new esports offices have been renovated to include a gym, sauna, rock-climbing wall, theater, second lunch room, and fourth Starbucks for the animation team. “They are developing new dances for our next event,” explained Kaplan. “It’s hard work and they need the space. Esports will have to take a backseat until next BlizzCon.”
In a blue post earlier this week, game developers stressed that users who describe heroes as “broken” or suggest that Roadhog be removed from the game will be subject to disciplinary action.
“All competitors and spectators are required to act in a respectful sportsmanlike manner at all times,” reiterated Kaplan’s personal bodyguard. “Do you want to keep playing Overwatch? Because you are providing excessively reasonable feedback, and we simply will not stand for that as a company.”
A spokeswoman encouraged those who cannot make the trip to Irvine anytime soon to save their feedback for BlizzCon 2017. “This real life feature will no doubt be a main attraction.”