Shower Musings #1

Shower musings #1:

For starters, please note that this title is not a metaphor or pun of any sorts. I am literally musing about my shower. So OK I guess that does make it a pun. But unintended.

I enjoy a good shower. By saying that there are good showers it will then logically follow that there are bad showers too.

Good showers:

+) Not rushed.

+) Good soap used. I have normal day soap, bad day soap, and apocalypse bad day soap. First one is some cheap sud my Mother buys from the supermarket. The second one depends, but right now it’s a Body Shop Satsuma one. The third one(s) are both limited edition from Lush Japan. One’s Rose Jam and the other’s So White. I still keep the pink paper bag it came in because when I purchased the soaps it was pouring outside so the Japanese salesperson gave my paperbag a raincoat. Really. My paperbag had a raincoat. The raincoat was perfectly cut to fit the ears of the bag.They seemed genuinely confused that I was amused.

Reasons why good soap is called good soap:

+)Once you start using good soap you will realize what bad soap is. Bad soap smells like cheap, industrial scents with equally cheap, industrial packaging. The scent brings you nowhere. It is just a scent, period.

+)Good soaps are not good because they are expensive, but they are expensive because they are good. Good because they take you back to a place. Some call it soap but I call it time travel in a tub. Scents are bloody complex. They have a very uncanny ability of pulling out the most forgotten of moments from the deepest pit of your memory dump. I can still very vaguely remember what my ex-boyfriend smells like and every time I catch a whiff of Old Spice I still wince at stupidity of my younger and more vulnerable days.

Since we are on the topic of showers I would also like to PSA that after years of lousy shaving aids, the best shaving cream/gel/paste to use is not a cream or gel or a paste, but a hair conditioner. Veet is terrible and I hate shaving foams. They always leave my legs somewhat squeaky. My favorite is Herbal Essence’s coconut conditioner. Don’t trust me but test me when I say shave with a hair conditioner and your life will change. You will slide and slither around your sheets like a fish. OK that sounds rather unappealing. Mermaid better. Or block of butter.30 day money back guarantee.

Also, the best razor to shave with is not those frilly ones with gel bars or pink handles or some artificial smelling fruit or a rounded head (sexist razors, why Gilette so sexist, make razors pink for women and blue for men, BOOOOO to not having gender-neutral razors, BOOO)but a good old Gillette razor. Manual, and for men. It gives you the closest possible shave with the sharpest possible blade.

Lol sorry how did I get from soaps to shaving. Good soaps are also good because of association. It’s like how when you can’t sleep shrinks or sleep therapists or whoever the hell else is giving you advice tell you to never lie on your bed or go near your bed unless you are actually sleeping. It fucks with your brain, confusing its ability to associate a bed with sleep if you’re perpetually on it watching Gordon Ramsay clamp heads between bread.

So same logic lor I consciously choose bad soap because I consciously recognize that I’ve had a day that isn’t bad enough to warrant a luxury. And on days where I miss the bus, have my takeaway slant and spill in its paper bag, or deal with idiotic teachers more condescending than crossword clues, I pull out the big guns in the form of good soap because it’s my way of dressing my wounds with fancier bandages.

I like this process. It puts my day into perspective. It makes me think about why my day was good, or why it was bad.I told you right. Soap is not just disposable suds. Soap is more than soap if it changes perspective.

Bad showers:

-)Showering for the sake of showering

-)No enjoyment in the shower

Showering is a luxury man. I always tell my friends I 101% am not a camping kind of person because I enjoy modern plumbing. I also happen to have a very good showerhead (to shower la. Get your head out of the gutter). When we moved house my Mother unscrewed the showerhead and replaced it with a cheap 60HKD showerhead we bought from Fa Yuen Street. Sorry new tenants, but once you taste good water pressure (not literally), you cannot go back. It dispenses the PERFECT water pressure. PERFECT. None of that painfully intense and rude jets that just sear into your skin and none of those lousy, flaccid jets that drip by the minute and leave you shivering stark naked as you try (key word is try) to expertly maneuver the water stream evenly over your body.

It beats the showerhead of every high end to low end showerhead I have ever used from hotels to friends’ houses. I need to check with my Mother what brand this showerhead is so everyone can try it for themselves.

If you clicked on this thinking this was going to be a thought-provoking post then sorry to disappoint but congrats, you have just wasted an estimate 4 minutes of your life reading this. Thank you and goodbye.

P.S- Soap of choice today: bad soap. I met up with an old high school friend, spent hours shopping at TEM waiting for someone to buy 1 piece of clothing so we could hit the 6 piece discount price, ate good food, had good conversation, bought good clothes with high potential for CPW ratio, talked to my Dad about my life ambitions when he picked me up from town, which saved me a long train ride.

There is absolutely nothing about my day that calls for good soap.

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