Someone asked me what I’m going to do today to help others.

If you don’t know me, let me tell you a little bit about myself: I’m a stoic workaholic. And a social maniac. And a horrible listener. Those are only three things about me. I also enjoy vinyl records, camping, cooking and am a HUGE fan of cats, but am allergic and a horrible pet owner, so my fix is begotten via the internet in the form of .GIFs and YouTube videos.

Anyway, those OTHER three things represent:
One thing I’m disgustingly proud of that I taught myself to be over the years (disgusting because who the fuck wants to be known as a workaholic?), one thing I can’t seem to help (in my nature), and one thing I hate to admit, but know I need to work on.

I’m always trying to make myself emotionally available a bit more, and I’m going to try my hardest to be a better listener. But I need to say that other than that, it’s time for me to help MYSELF. I’ve spent the past almost 3 months internalizing a problem. I had a near-disdain for anything non-work-related to the point of not being there for friends and family, even blowing off quick phone calls). This isn’t like me at all—I love my job but I’m also very much the social butterfly. I have struggles all the time with balancing the two…mostly because I’m a professional in business, but I also sort of enjoy off-color and offensive humor and trolling people on the internet. More on that struggle another day.

Then just a handful of days ago, I experienced some hardship and shit was really going to hit the fan soon, if I didn’t fix it. Turned out, just by the time the holiday weekend was really in full swing, I was graciously rescued by friends and people who put up with me during those other times…but only because I asked for help.

Remember I told you someone asked who I was going to help today? Well, anyway, I was hearing answers from other people who were also asked, and a lot of them were saying things like they helped a kid fix their bike, offered free photography for a friend starting out in business, etc. I chimed in with my answer. You’ll figure it out by the time you reach the end of this buncha blocks of words.

See, another thing about me that I forgot to mention, is that I help all day long, every day (not counting customers/clients) and go the extra mile without realizing it sometimes. I was on the phone with a colleague for 2 hours just last month, whom needed someone to let them vent and get through a difficult personal struggle. I did what I could do best… trying to help them by just caring and being genuinely concerned, hell, I even got them to laugh after crying. And because of the long call, I lost track of time and missed a meeting. I didn’t lose that client and was able to re-schedule, but it probably didn’t make a favorable first impression. I even helped a lonely friend meet a woman (pic is related). Then, something big happened that needed my help. In February, I took in a homeless relative. I didn’t have to, but also had very few options, and had already spent a couple nights at a shelter before confessing that they spent the weekend in their own (uninsulated) storage unit one weekend in January (we’re in Minnesota) just when the weeks of the coldest weather hit its stride (that week, it was between 13 and 20 degrees below zero).

Anyway, long story short, I have helped to the point of draining my own resources and becoming sort of a soft rug to walk on. I need to put my foot down. My roommate family member has had a full time job for just over one month now, and although it pays very minimally, she has been able to take OK care of herself, but my roof is still over her head. When that person gets home today, they will be given three months to get themselves situated elsewhere.

On top of that, I let a lot of other things slide and I know some of these things were part of the reason I got in trouble in the first place. So it’s time I get back to focusing with laser-precision, on taking care of myself and my job and self-sustenance.

I’m my only dependent, and the only one who can care for that dependent.