Check Your Oil

Fear and Loving in the U.S.

When I was growing up, even before I learned to drive, my grandfather would always warn me and my family to “check your oil.” Apparently, at some point in his life, a car he was driving had run out of oil and caused the engine to overheat and nearly break down. I’m not sure when this happened and if it was as bad as all that, but it made such an impression on my grandfather that he always told us before we left his house, “check your oil.”

I thought this was a silly, irrational fear based on a long ago accident but, later in life, I realized it was my grandfather’s way of expressing his love and caring for his grandchildren — not fear at all but empathy. Fear, like empathy, is a powerful impulse that still thrives within us. But fear is not caring and it sometimes drives us to emotional, thoughtless speech and actions.

Fear, often in the form of anger, runs rampant in our country after incidents such as the recent fatal shootings of police officers in Dallas and the killing of two men in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota, as well as the senseless slaughter of 49 people in an Orlando nightclub. It cropped up across the ocean in the vote by the citizens of Great Britain to leave the European Union — a move that seems to have been motivated by fears over unrestricted immigration and inequity of resources. And then there is the unexpected rise of Donald Trump, whose very candidacy, despite its “Make America Great Again” slogan, seems to leverage the underlying fears of our fellow citizens.

We have built a communication infrastructure that enables immediate transmission of information. Regardless of where you lived at the time, you could watch the Twin Towers collapse on 9/11, the war in Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and recent terrorist attacks around the world. These are frightening events that activate the fears that lie within us. We can watch and have an immediate reaction, but how often do we take the time to dig more deeply and understand? How often do we react based on fear?

We’ve come a long way since an America president told us “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Politicians, lobbyists, and other leaders regularly invoke fear to justify actions that previously may have seemed unthinkable: The Patriot Act, Abu Ghraib and the use of torture, Guantanamo, blocking sensible gun control legislation and immigration reform, and even the Senate’s refusal to advise and consent on a Supreme Court vacancy.

In recent days, I’ve seen predictions of more violence and even another Civil War. It’s easy to succumb to this rampant fear and anger, to choose a side, and to focus on our differences rather than our common ground.

There is injustice in our country, there is racism, and there is brutality that threatens our humanity. These are problems that must be acknowledged if they are to be addressed. But hatred will not solve these problems. In the wake of the tragic events of the past week, I choose to focus on empathy and love. Things are not perfect. We are an imperfect people. But when we love, when we empathize with others, we move closer to perfection and what I believe is the reason for our existence.

I don’t remember my grandfather ever telling me that he loved me, at least not in those words, but I know he did. He slipped a dollar into my hand every now and then, he always told me there was plenty to eat in the refrigerator and that I could help myself, and he urged me to check my oil before taking the car out for a drive.

I urge each of you to check your oil today. Some engines, once they’ve overheated, are difficult to replace.