Stranger-er Things

Dispatch from the “upside down”

Most famous political celebrity of the upside down world.

Either I’m crazy or I’ve made the greatest discovery in the history of mankind. Trust me, this could be huge.

If you’re a Netflix subscriber, it’s possible you’ve been watching a new science fiction/fantasy series called “Stranger Things.” The premise is that there is a world parallel to our own, darker and inhabited by weird monsters that have gained entry into our own reality through slimy, disgusting doorways, or gates, located in proximity to a shady government installation. This parallel world is referred to by a group of intrepid youngsters as the “upside down,” because it is just on the other side of our brighter, less dystopian world. Of course, the gates work both ways meaning that various characters on the show find themselves in the “upside down,” a shadowy, menacing place where the ground is squishy and visibility is limited by detritus that floats in the air like ash circling a campfire.

Like most fiction, “Stranger Things” is based on fact, and I believe I’ve accessed a gate into this upside down world, a world that I currently occupy. Further, this gate allows me to send brief messages, such as the one you’re reading, to the other side, the “right side up world.”

I shall endeavor to describe the “upside down” world based on my brief time here listening to the speeches of its most famous political celebrity, who describes the upside down world thusly:

· Unlike the right side up world, where violent crime is lower than it’s been since 1970, the upside down world is one of violence and chaos, where, “when you walk down the street, you get shot.”

● In addition to the violence and chaos on the streets, judges treat defendants very unfairly because of their own ethnic heritage and apparent anger over building some sort of wall.

● This wall, yet to be built, is very popular and is meant to protect the people of the upside down world from drug dealers, criminals, and rapists that are flowing like water over the borders.

● Small hands are considered good things and not indicative of sexual prowess.

● The elected leader of the upside down world founded a terrorist organization, whose members he is now killing with drones. Apparently, the terrorist organization doesn’t care because they gave the elected leader an award.

● The political celebrity is disturbed when women don’t speak but is okay with women who only parrot the words of others.

● There is something on the upside down world called “Second Amendment People” who are very well organized and sound as if they could kill those who pick judges they don’t like. But they don’t. They just organize.

● Muslims will not be allowed in, according to the political celebrity. Not even the good ones.

● There is something called Twitter. If you master Twitter, you are qualified to run for high office.

● If you see a faceless monster, RUN! (Also run if you see a Democrat. Unless they are classy.)

The gate seems to be closing again and I’m not sure I’ll be able to send any more dispatches. Something tells me I may be trapped in the upside down world until the Tuesday following the first Monday in November. If this is the case, please tell my loved ones I am alive and well. Some of you may not believe that I am actually in this upside down world. As evidence, I am sending a hat inscribed “Make America Great Again.”

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