The Startup Song
It’s been well over a decade since the iPod, and eight years since everybody started buying smartphones that can reliably play music. Car manufacturers are still spinning their wheels when it comes to working with them. Everyone from Audi to VW have released their attempts at sticky jog-wheels, ugly resistive touchscreens, and profoundly deaf voice recognition software. Even as we shuffle into a future of electric cars and bottled meals, most people know that the best way to control our devices is directly from our devices — just as it was in 2005. Despite years of trying, car stereo interfaces still fall flat against honest-to-god software developers when it comes to developing multimedia software.
For the most part, a draw has been reached between portable media, newer cars and us. Devices get to interface directly through USB or Bluetooth, and we are free to navigate our music directly from the music player. Great. Systems that are more generous allow us play/pause and shuttle controls on our steering wheels, with our 240x480 “infotainment” screens occasionally blessing us with album art and track names. A more perfect solution would be seamless interaction through those screens, but that’s just not an option outside of Apple’s CarPlay or Android Auto.
After the tragic loss of my 2007 Honda Fit and its obedient auxiliary port, I was excited to finally drive something a little bit smarter. Charging and playing directly through a single USB cable would save me the trouble of using two plugs, and my ability to take calls over Bluetooth wouldn’t be dependent on an easy-to-lose headset. I accelerated into the next generation of car/device integration with the purchase of a fully-equipped Prius v. Alongside the big built-in screen and (weak) navigation, USB and Bluetooth had finally found their way to my car. It would be fantastic, save for one ugly ‘gotcha’:
Every single time I started the car, it would stop whatever I was playing on my phone and jump to one particular song.
At first, it was a track called “A-Hole” by Bowling for Soup. The song was a relic from my college iTunes library, and had been collecting digital dust since late 2006. For my first week of new car ownership, the song’s ham-fisted drums an, power-chorded opening would sully every drive I took. When I eventually struck Bowling for Soup from my library, I was left with the auto-playing, penny-whistle-blasting track called “Abgestand’nes Bier” by a German punk band called Mutabor. In 2003, those guys sparked a friendship between a German foreign exchange student and myself. We would listen to music for hours and swap mix CDs of our own favorite punk & ska bands. Mutabor enabled me to become a young American ambassador, or at least a cool kid in the eyes of that German girl. For that, and the fact that they’re not in the United States’ Spotify, I just couldn’t remove them from my iTunes library. Even deleting “Abgestandened Bier” would have left me with hearing the opening lines of a Mitch Hedberg track called “Acting” multiple times per day. It was a losing battle.
The infotainment team at Toyota had programmed one final desperate attempt at machine-control into their car stereos. They said, “Okay drivers, we know that browsing libraries on our screen is a shit-show, BUT, let us at least help you start playing music!” That car stereo is hell-bent on playing the first alphabetical song in your library. It refuses to be a slave like the lowly aux cable. There is no setting to opt out of, and no way to stop it. We can only trick it.
Cue the pinnacle of my musical career. While working with an actual composer on a song for a video piece, I was inspired to open up Garageband and compose a piece of my own. I would beat the stereo designers by my own hand. After ten minutes of tough decisions and fumbling with Garageband’s software instruments, I landed on a little track I like to call “AAA — The Startup Song”
Like the famous “4:33" before it, this song’s strength is in its silence. Preluded by the Macintosh startup tone, AAA — The Startup Song features two glorious minutes of nothingness. A gentle tap on the shoulder from a synthesizer brings the piece to a coda, reminding the user to pick a new song or mute their system before the next alphabetical track begins to play.
This track has been on top of my library for weeks now, and it has served its purpose perfectly. Even in the unlikely event that it shows up in shuffle-play, “AAA — The Startup Song” offers two minutes of reflection and quiet contemplation. I implore you to download it, add it to your library, and not spoil your own Bowling for Soup.
“AAA — The Startup Song” was arranged to be inoffensive with a lot of replay-ability. Its opening notes are familiar, having been created by much more skilled sound designers than myself. When a driver sits down to place their hands on the wheel and foot on the pedals, “AAA” will reliably deliver comfort and satisfaction.
The startup song can be downloaded free of charge right here: https://www.brianking.org/startupsong
