Handling Criticism
“In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery.” Proverbs 28:23 (NLT)
When I started to become a leader and started teaching people God’s Word I dealt with a lot of criticism. I didn’t know that whenever you’re a leader you will have to deal with criticism. Anytime you choose to take a stand for something or start leading upfront you will be criticized. Sometimes you’ll be criticized because you are misunderstood or people can criticize you over the littlest pettiest things. Either way you will be criticized. There’s no way avoiding it or getting around it. Criticism is unavoidable and inevitable whenever you’re in a position of leadership. The best way to avoid criticism is to DO nothing or BE nothing. But if you’re going to do anything significant or worthwhile you can expect criticism. People only talk about people who are doing something with their lives. A complacent leader is never a criticized leader. You’ll never see a person that’s NOT doing or becoming something deal with being criticized. What is criticism? Criticism comes in two forms: constructive and destructive. There’s a difference between the two. Constructive criticism is meant to build you up. Destructive criticism is meant to tear you down. Constructive criticism is positive redirection. Destructive criticism is just negative pettiness. Constructive criticism is meant to help you. Destructive criticism is meant to hurt you. Constructive criticism is done in love. Destructive criticism is done in hate. Constructive criticism should be accepted and embraced. Destructive criticism should be ignored and sometimes rejected. Every leader will have to deal with both constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Leaders need to take constructive criticism. Leaders like flattery but we NEED constructive criticism. Unfortunately we have to deal with destructive criticism more than we deal with constructive criticism. In this blog I want to focus only on destructive criticism, in another blog I addressed the topic on accepting feedback. Let’s focus on when people criticize us to tear us down. Jesus as a leader dealt with criticism. In Mark 6:1–6 Jesus dealt with criticism from people in His own hometown. They tried to discredit Him as simply just being a carpenter, they questioned Him and they doubted Him. Because of that, Jesus could do no mighty works there because of their unbelief. This isn’t the first time Jesus dealt with criticism, all over the Gospel you’ll see that He dealt with criticism from all kinds of religious leaders. But Jesus was unbothered. Jesus was more focused on His mission than His critics. Oftentimes your critics are a distraction to get you off track. Being criticized is a great sign that you’re on the right track. What are somethings that we should know about our critics and about criticism?
Things To Know About A Critic…
- You’ll never see a critic that’s doing better than you.
Most of the critics in your life (a large majority) are bitter and their lives aren’t better than yours. They’re miserable and they’re hurting. Usually they’re lashing out at you to get a reaction from you. So watch your reaction whenever you get criticized. One bad reaction can make the headlines. Like my friend, Ariel Elizondo says “you have too much at stake.” Your critic doesn’t have much to lose but you can lose EVERYTHING messing with them. The goal of the critic is to demote you. They want you to be on their level. You’re an eagle and they’re a chicken- they want to make one bad remark for you to react to keep you from soaring. Most of your critics are really admirers of you. They just want a response from you. They want you on their level. But you’ve got to learn how to soar above the criticism.
2. You’ll never have a fully informed critic.
Craig Groeschel once said “people often criticize what they don’t understand.” This is so true. When people don’t understand something they’ll criticize it. Ignorant people are always critical. Stop stressing over people who don’t know your mission. You can’t listen to or worry about those who don’t know the WHOLE story. Some people just won’t mind their own business. You’ll never have a fully informed critic and you’ll never have a critic doing better than you or who doesn’t admire you in some way.
These are some things we need to know about our critics. Now let’s learn how we should handle criticism as leaders. What’s the right way to handle criticism?
How To Handle Criticism…
- Don’t take it personal
Whenever you’re criticized, don’t take it personal. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves. We think just because we’re criticized about something that we are failures. But that’s not the case. Don’t look at your critics as personally attacking you even if they are. You can’t take it personal. If you take it personal, the criticism can negatively affect your spirit. You can be oppressed with different emotions and you can deal with frustration, offense, insecurity and depression. Don’t take it personal.
2. Find the little speck of truth
A hard lesson for me to learn is that sometimes my critics can be right. They’re not right all the time but sometimes there are a little piece of truth nuggets that I can listen to and apply in my life. The same is true for you. Just because the delivery of a critic was wrong doesn’t mean the message wasn’t right. Find a piece of truth (if there’s any) in the criticism. Sometimes you can learn from your critic.
3. Think before you respond
Before you respond to your critics… THINK!!! Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us- which we shouldn’t. You need to think before you react. I don’t even advise that you focus on and answer your critics. Sometimes people just want to get the best of you. Like Jesus, we can choose to focus on our mission or on our critics. I choose to focus on the mission. Of course if you’re being criticized by someone in person, just smile and say “thank you for your opinion, I’ll take that into consideration.” Even if you’re not going to take their advice; still be kind and polite about it. If it’s criticism via email, wait at least 24 hours to respond. Even when you reply via email, reply with kindness and politeness. Lastly don’t reply to critics on social media. DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! Why waste your time going back and forth with someone on Twitter who doesn’t even know who you are? Be wise! Social media gives cowards boldness to talk noise but hide behind a screen. The key is to receive criticism in LOVE even if it wasn’t said in love. Everyone has an opinion you’ve just got to respect it. You can ignore it or you can apply it. Either way it’s up to you!
These are three ways to deal with criticism: don’t take it personal, find the speck of truth and think before you respond.
We as leaders must know WHO we are and WHAT we are called to do. We can’t allow our critics to define us, stop us, tear us down and get us off track. We must lead with authority, boldness and confidence.
The best way to answer your critics is with your success. The best way to shut up a critic is to keep on staying faithful to God’s purpose for your life and succeeding. I answer my critics with my success and my faithfulness to God. That’s how Jesus answered His critics. The scripture says He kept on preaching in the villages. Jesus stayed faithful to God in spite of people criticizing Him. He rose above His critics by staying faithful to God and succeeding in God. He stayed focused on His mission instead of His critics. This is how we as leaders must start Handling Criticism.
