How To Have Difficult Conversations

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

There is going to come a time in all of our lives where we are going to have to have difficult but very necessary conversations with others. Leaders are never able to escape having difficult conversations. What is a difficult conversation? A difficult conversation is having to tell someone something that they may not want to hear- which can cause one or both parties to become uncomfortable in some way. Trying to resolve any kind of conflict with someone is going to require we have difficult conversations. I’ve realized that difficult conversations are difficult for me to have. In response, I’ve swept a lot under the rug, held a lot of things in or vented to the wrong people. At some point you’re going to have to stop running from difficult conversations or the problem will continue. Avoid avoidance. Let’s learn how to have a difficult conversations.

Ways To Have Difficult Conversations…

1. Eliminate fear

Fear is usually one of the #1 reasons why we don’t have difficult conversations with others. We’re afraid of not being able to get our point across clearly, that things may get confrontational and that the person may get upset. Don’t be afraid of their response and being rejected by them. We have to eliminate fear. Stop fearing man.

2. Be direct

Just get straight to the point. Don’t ignore it. Don’t tap-dance around the topic. Don’t waste time. Tackle it head on. Be direct. Confront whatever the issue is.

3. Speak boldly but lovingly

Everything we say must be said in love and out of the utmost respect for the person we’re talking to. Don’t make them feel attacked. Watch your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. How you come across to others will determine how they respond to you. Keep yourself in check. Also remember that a conversation is a dialogue. Give them a chance to express themselves. Listen and learn to gain understanding of their perspective.

4. Focus on the outcome

Ask yourself: What is this conversation supposed to accomplish? Did it achieve its purpose? What can we do to fix this problem? Let’s focus on the purpose of the conversation and the outcome of the conversation.

If you want to have difficult conversations with others you have to eliminate fear, be direct, speak boldly but lovingly and focus on the outcome. After the conversation has been had, move on. Don’t hold any grudges toward the person you had a difficult conversation with. Have the hard conversation then move on. No hard feelings. Emotions aside, problems solved. We need to address whatever the issue is, partner with the individual and make a change. We can do all things through Jesus Christ and this includes us learning How To Have Difficult Conversations.