i feel i was born into a chasm

I slipped into a chasm of time in which falling feels like being alive and being alone is the only way to survive.

I was born six years too early and six years too late and perhaps if I’d been born at the exact moment that I was supposed to life would not have split apart.

I think life is a process of reconciliation with the family, of nodding to the gaping chasm from which you came and clambering back toward it with the balance of grace and humility to the forces which put you in there;

An appreciation of the details around you that mimic the process of renewal and death that you live out microscopically among an enormous field of poppies;

An apology to the mother for causing her suffering, splitting her open, falling between the chasm, which is an idea I created, where as she created me and that caused problems;

Full of problems that mostly are to do with rejection, with saying I want to be alone or hearing I want to be alone and learning to ask what you did to cause that and learning that causality is silly when you could look in the bold face of art;

Making art to portray how an event passed in your mind, an event in my mind including the experience of another person, which is perhaps the richest kind despite the immersion of a forest;

Walking lonely through nature and observing its links to past walks you took through nature and learning on the walk to look only at the nature and being left writing a poem.

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