Sole Soul (1/7)
I lost two friends this year, not to Covid but to circumstances. One said bye to me, the other I said bye to. One was my best female friend and the other my best male friend. Now I wanted to write close friends since best stinks too much of high school, but in my case of knowing handful of people, they were the best. In the year 2020, when lockdown hit, I had their photos up on my lovely wall and now they are deserted on Whatsapp. Today they both exist in my casual set of friends but not in my support group and I made a choice to not put any effort into changing this.
In the time when finding friends is hard as an adult, why did I then choose this? Community plays an important part in shaping one’s thoughts and actions. The people you hang out with or talk to, influence you in more ways than you realize. So it is important then to reassess when a relationship starts taking more and stops giving you any value. I have always assessed people on their core values even when their actions did not tally with it. For example, when that friend hurt me, I would ask was it their intent or was it a byproduct of their assumption and for all it may just be a communication problem. When I saw that their values were compromised and that I could no longer reason like this, I wanted to stop putting my time and efforts into them. I want to surround myself with people of integrity that I respect and who help me grow. I have stopped clinging on to people for they are a non-deterministic system, one cannot deny the need for community for emotional dependency, but we can choose the degree with which they define our identity and vision for life.
A lesson I embraced completely in 2021 was one is born alone and dies alone, the others in your life come and go, they are the secondary acts, they influence you, inspire you and help you move forward, but ultimately you are the hero of your own life. You need to walk alone and choose who you give the power to reach you.
Towards the tail end of this year, I have decided to publish articles everyday till the end of the year. There is no predefined theme, it will be ad hoc. If you liked this, stay tuned for more.