Dear Young Black Man,

I know what you are going thru. I know how it feels to be born without a fighting chance. I know how it feels to be a peaceful, nonviolent kid that grew up in the inner city (Brooklyn). I know how it feels to not be accepted by people who look like you because you are Latino and not black enough for them yet black to the rest of the world. I know the confusion of not being accepted by American culture while not being accepted by the black community while also not being accepted in the culture your ancestors came from(Garifuna). I know the confusion of family members saying all Black Americans steal, lazy and don’t wanna work, yet was cool with alot of them. I know the confusion of love in which people say they love you but their actions dont say that. I know the confusion of your guidance councelor telling you that community college is a better option for you than St. John’s before i even took a class in HS. I know the confusion of going for a dream that you been chasing since 7 years old and people telling you that you cant do it yet they love you. I know the confusion of coming home from winning a game at 10 yrs old and have someone you love throw iced tea at you because you interrupted their conversation with their mother. I know the confusion of capital punnishment when i held a metal chair over my head on my knees when i just took a extra piece of bread at dinner.I know the confusion of hitting a game winning shot my junior year of high school and having nobody to share that joy with. I know the confusion of walking home by myself from a sports banquet after winning awards for something that was my passion and loved to do. I know the confusion of people unconditionally loving me yet not supporting me in my positive endeavors. I know the confusion of working two jobs and not being happy while people that love me watched me suffer. I know the confusion of looking over my sholder inside of my home that’s suppose to be refuge for me. I know the confusion of selling keys yet not wating to do it because its wrong and you have no money. I know the confusion of running away, yet it follows your conscious. I know the confusion of somebody loving me, yet not talking to me. I know the confusion of meeting your grandfather for the first time and he just looks at you for two hours and dont say anything to you. I know the confusion of family member leaving you to figure it out while you suffer. I know the confusion of not feeling loved and accepted. I know the confusion of believing in youself because litterally no one else will.I know the confusion of the consitution when it reads “We hold these truths to be self evident, that ALL men are created equal”. I know the confusion of police harassment on a constant basis. I know the confusion of your girlfriend telling you “Thats great you going to college, but you will be broke”. I know the confusion of providing for everybody and not recieving it back once i was down and out. I know the confusion of being an 30 year old E-3 in the Navy and watching 20 yr old kids make more than you and provide for themselves making them self efficient while i was making $787 a month sleeping on the ship. I know the confusion of being a achoholic and waking up the next morning with the same sad feelings. I know the confusion of saying im a strong young man, yet im on the Brooklyn Bridge ready to jump to my eternal place. I feel the confusion when i feel like im learning new things about life, yet still feel like Jim Carey in “The Truman Show”. I know the confusion of having a best friend for 15 years trying to show him a positive light, yet you know you have to let go as you cant drown in someone else’s emotional river when i have a emotional ocean. I write this with tears in my eyes, i know you feel broken. Im not confused about this cause i am broken ☹

Stay Up,

Luis Martinez