For the first time in a long time, I’ve grown roots somewhere. The last time I can remember feeling I was a part of the neighborhood was back when I was 8 years old and living at Dolphin Estate. There I had friends to visit and walking the streets felt safe.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t felt safe walking the streets since then but so much changed when we moved from my childhood home that nowhere has felt quite like home since then.
It was last year that I made a decision to connect with the people around me. I had gotten so used to being in my own little bubble that when the instruments for coping were taken away, I found myself with a big question mark hanging over my head.
Something was missing and it had been missing for a long time — a sense of community. Of belonging. It had been missing for so long that I had gotten used to it. I had placed other things in its stead and now that those things had been stripped away, I was forced to face the person I was and realize I didn’t feel whole.
I am quite solutions driven. I like solving problems especially when it comes to myself. If I am given the time and space to do so, I will arrive at the perfect solution. And I did.
It required me stretching myself thin to realize I didn’t need to do. It required me stepping outside my comfort zone to try new things that I may have always professed to be true but never backed up with action. I wanted to see where I fit and how I could be useful and social immersion was the only way that showed me a clear path forward.
I did away with all my “arm-chair” theories and formulated new ones based on experience. Through exploration I was able to learn who I was. The sense of connection I was missing was not necessarily from the people around me but from myself. I had to get to know myself to see myself in others and for them to see themselves in me. Becoming real instead of just a figment of imagination.
I was able to see my value and have my value be seen. It had taken me years to prove to myself that I was the genuine article and a desire to share myself with the people around me was also necessary. I learned words were not enough, action must follow. This is what proves who you are to people more than words ever could.
So simple, yet this conclusion was elusive until I started to be present and pay attention. There is always the temptation to be lost in the world of daydreaming but if you are always daydreaming you are never fully present. And if you aren’t present, you aren’t real.
— Olly
