This is just a movie

The only possible explanation for the past 4 months is that moviemaking technology has progressed far enough along and we’ve all been inserted into the role of Helpless Bystander in a new psychological thriller.

The first character we met was the antagonist, Donald Trump. He grabs women by their pussies, mocks the disabled, masterfully manipulates the media and is only motivated by status. He’s a villain from central casting. But we can rest assured that because this is a movie, he’ll ultimately end up falling from grace.

But then we started meeting the supporting cast. The Kellyanne Conways. The Chris Christies. The Scott Baios for some reason. And we met some of the more nefarious characters. The Mike Pences. The Reince Priebuses. The Steve Bannons.

Then we were introduced to some of the stooges critical to the plot. The Jason Chaffetzes. The Betsy DeVoses. The Committees turning a blind eye to the blatant corruption and clear Russian infiltration of the highest levels of government.

But then, as tends to happen in movies, some characters got killed off. Andy Puzder’s past caught up with him. Sally Yates got fired for saying no to the president. Mike Flynn got in over his head with the Russia involvement — foreshadowing what will happen to the rest of them.

And it seemed like maybe we were catching a break and Helpless Bystander would start to take on more heroic traits.

But then we realized we weren’t quite done being introduced to the players quite yet. That’s because we finally met Jeff Sessions this week. And he may be the most evil in this story, which often the most diminutive ones are.

After hearing murmurs of his well-established racism (named after the Confederate president, deemed too racist to be a judge 30 years ago, called his staff racial slurs), he STILL was deemed suitable for the top law enforcement position in the land. And what does he do to kick off his tenure? After a week or so of hearing nothing from him he signs off on draconian deportation plans, announces that he’s taking rights away from transgender children (citing states rights), makes move to strengthen the morally reprehensible for-profit prison industry and makes threats of punishing states who have legalized marijuana (because fuck states rights).

So is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the true villain in this story? Have we met the evilest, shrewdest character? Or are there more to come? God I hope not.

The silver lining here is that this story feels about halfway over, so it must mean that this film will be done in about five weeks. And hopefully it’s just this cast of misfits who get their comeuppance (impeachment, lawsuits, public shaming) and another five weeks won’t be enough time for them to drag the Helpless Bystander into the hateful muck with them.

So far I hate this movie. Zero thumbs up.