Writing is Just a Conversation. It Doesn’t Have to be Anything Else.

As writers and human beings we want to be connected to others. We want to be heard and to know our opinions are valued. And we want to engage with our favourite speakers, our heroes, our family, and our friends.

A good way to be heard is to write about issues that are deeply personal to you. So we create words on blank pages to talk about issues, discuss art, contemplate life and discover new ways to live. Some of it’s for ourselves or for a select few, but many of it we put out there for the rest of the world to see. And the second we put it out there, it becomes a conversation piece for others to remark upon or simply ignore and put aside.

Writing is a way to bring any conversation to life and into the forefront of the offline or online space. As we put our words out there for others to see, though, we quickly get attached to them and easily get offended when the conversation steers off the track we wanted it to stay on.

But here’s where we blunder: because while it’s important to take our writing seriously, we forget that all writing is a conversation and that our words create a dialogue between reader and writer.

A dialogue is a conversation between two people (sometimes more, but never less). Monologue can be a dialogue in one person’s head, but it never goes any farther than mere thoughts until it’s placed on the paper for others to see (which can form the basis for any conversation if the thoughts are brought to life through the act of speech). Sometimes it can be tormented like many of our thoughts are, sometimes it can be subdued, but most of the time it’s personal and deeply internalized.

These thoughts we all have can form the basis for any conversation if they’re brought to life through actualizing our words, but if they don’t facilitate an even dialogue between reader and writer they’ll be easy to ignore by others.

If we want our writing to be seen it must be conversational in tone. Every time we write we create a dialogue with our words, and if we want it to be remarked upon it must be conversational in tone. Anything else does a disservice to our readers.

As a Writer, You Set the Tone for the Conversation

Every time you write, imagine your reader on the other side of the table listening to your words as you type them.

How will they react? Will your words polarize them, sympathize with them, engage with them? Will they challenge them? Will your words inspire them and lift them up, or put the down and send them crashing to the ground?

Your readers are your friends. Many times your friends need to be lifted up and respected — but sometimes friends need tough love.

Just don’t talk down to them if you want them to listen. If you don’t see them and treat them like a friend and respect their time, don’t be surprised when nobody shows up because you haven’t given them a compelling reason to tune in.

You’re telling the story, so you better make it a good one. Because while you get to pick the balance of the conversation to an extent, it’s rarely a 50/50 split between reader and writer. There’re always gaps in the conversation and there’s unexpected silences for new issues to erupt. Any good writer leaves room for these silences to happen so that new conversations can flow from their writing no matter what.

Your Readers are Listening to You — It’s Your Time to Speak.

All writing is a conversation between reader and writer (that is, all public writing that’s actually read). And since you’re telling the story, you can set the tone for what’s to come.

What message do you want them to hear, and what story do you want to tell? How do you want to make them feel? If you want to light a fire under them, give them some tough love. If you want to inspire them, gently lift them up like you would to a friend in need. But whatever you do, never stop treating writing like the conversation it is.

As a writer, you get to pick the balance of the conversation to an extent, even though it’s rarely a 50/50 split between reader and writer. Even though you’re telling the story and can set the tone for what’s to come, you have to leave room for more conversation to happen (because if you don’t, your message will fall on deaf ears).

The good thing is you get to choose how you engage with them. You hold that power as a writer. The bad part is that you also have the power to push them aside and away from the content you produce. If you’re putting out bad vibes people can smell it from a mile away.

Remember the last time you talked to someone unpleasant or were engaged in spreading gossip about your friends or coworkers and remember how you wanted to slip away from that. We’re surrounded by nastiness every day, so why would we want to be read about how to be more nasty people or how to engage in unproductive behaviors? We wouldn’t, plain and simple.

It doesn’t matter what you write or what space you’re in because good content is everywhere and more accessible than ever before. So if you’re a self-improvement writer and you don’t pave the way for a healthy, productive conversation then you shouldn’t expect to engage like-minded people that want to grow their strengths and be a better person either.

Your Word Are Only the Beginning — You Don’t Hold All of the Power, Even as the Initiator of the Conversation.

Paradoxically, even though you’re creating the words others will read, you don’t hold all of the power (or much of it at all). You only have some of it because your readers hold the majority of it.

Every single time someone discovers your content they can choose to read it or walk away from it. Only they can choose to love it — it doesn’t even matter whether you love it or not. It only matters whether you’ve set the ground for them to love it in the first place because only your reader determines whether to engage with it and share it and resonate with it.

It doesn’t matter if you love your writing because only others can choose to love it for you. They’re the ones who determine whether they’ll buy your books or consume your content, not you.

You might set the stage for the play and write the script and cast the actors, but your audience will decide on their own terms whether they want to show up for it or not. And if it’s no good they’ll have no problem walking away from it (possibly forever).

It certainly helps to love your work (and it’s pretty much a prerequisite for creating good work), because if your writing doesn’t light a fire under you how could you possibly expect it to ignite anybody else? But as a writer, all you can do is provide them with the message you want others to hear and then hope they hear it. And if it’s a conversation worth having only then will they choose to really see it and remark on it.

Because with some touch of magic, they probably will.

You’re Not Above the Rules as a Writer

Your content doesn’t deserve to be listened to just because you’re broadcasting it.

You don’t deserve to be listened to and heard and respected either just because you’re talking.

Like any good conversation, if your writing is to be seen and listened to and read then it has to be relevant and exciting like any good conversation. It has to be engaging in the first place for it to engage others and for others to be able to engage with it.

Mostly, it has to be worth reading. Not just to you, but to someone else.

Because if it isn’t then it will only fall into a pool of silence, and your message will be drowned out before others even have the chance to stumble across it and stoke the fire to keep the dialogue going.