How to Not Let Anxious Thoughts Take Over (CBT For Everyday Life)
We’ve all been there, or at least those of us with some anxiety in our lives. Wondering if our friends really like us, wondering why they’re taking so long to text back or why you weren’t included in that dinner invite. Well I’m going to show you a quick exercise you can do at to get that anxiety under control.
It starts with understanding the Cognitive Triangle (pictured above). Each element affects the other, how we think affects how we feel, how we feel affects how we act and vice versa! Changing any one point in the triangle will change the others. Some elements may be easier to change than others. For example I find it easier to change my thoughts and behavior rather than my emotions. You may have a different experience.
Now that we have some idea of how the cognitive triangle works, its time to deepen our understanding with an example. Try to think of a situation that you would have liked to handle differently and map it out on the triangle. I’ll use an example of my own, a time I felt anxious and used this strategy in real life.
I was working in an office. I walked into work and where normally my co-workers would have greeted me- no one said a word… I immediately felt pretty anxious and strange, even down about myself. I was wondering why everyone was so quiet and if I had done something wrong (See cognitive triangle below).
Now this may not seem like a big deal for some people, and maybe on a better day this process would have happened naturally for me, but on this day I needed to take a minute and think. My office was normally very friendly and talkative. I went out to check my mail and I reassured myself that they were just busy with their own work and too absorbed in what they were doing to even notice who came in. I realized that I didn’t need to wait for them to acknowledge me. I could just go back in and say hi to them! So I adjusted my triangle:
When I got back to the office still nobody looked up or said hi, but I had adjusted my triangle so this didn’t bother me. I changed my thoughts and behavior instead and said greeted everyone as I walked in. I got a lot of responses and some people even confirmed my theory about how busy or stressed they were. Using the cognitive triangle I successfully switched the anxiety and insecurity to confidence and happiness. Try it yourself and see if you can reframe an encounter that’s been bothering you.
To use it in your everyday life the best thing to do is to start small and be aware of situations that you may be able to change using the cognitive triangle. If you are occasionally feeling anxious or depressed this type of exercise can be extremely helpful. Notice when theses feelings come up and brainstorm what you can change to improve them. CBT is one of the most effective types of therapy, and if you are often struggling with difficult thoughts or emotions you should seek the help of a trained and licensed therapist.
Happy thinking everyone!
