My inspirations
I am inspired by many things and people, as I’m sure many people are.
I am inspired by Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (cartoon version), leaving a shop with a basket full of books. I always imagined myself leaving a quaint antique-looking bookshop with a recyclable canvas bag (eco yo!) full of books too.
Visiting the library or a bookshop (any bookshop, big or small) brings me great joy. I spend a long time inside, browsing shelf after shelf, scrutinising spine after spine. My heart skips a beat when I discovered that my favourite authors have released new books, or when I spied a good read from the corner of my eyes.
However, unlike Belle who leaves with a basket full of books, I mostly leave empty-handed. I am a changed woman now. I no longer buy books on impulse because… I have boxes of unread books at home. Remnants of an impulsive younger self who paid no heed to money (or floor space for that matter). So I am now slowly clearing those unread boxes before I buy books again.
URGH. Who am I kidding?
I fibbed. Sorry. I have not touched those unread boxes because now I don’t buy books. I borrow them. It is shitty really. I walk into a library and I borrow three at one go knowing that I have absolutely no time to finish all of them and that I have boxes of unread books. It’s a guilt trip I tell you, these trips to the library and leaving with more books that I can consume. And it’s a vicious cycle. I need books to keep me happy, but I have not enough time to devour them all, yet I still keep returning to them because they keep me happy.
It’s a serious case of addiction and self-destructive behaviour. The guilt is just killing me!
I am inspired by elegantly timeless and intellectual people (mostly women though cause they are better at combining elegance and the smarts). Be they celebrities like Nicole Kidman (for her timeless style), or noted figures like Joan Didion, I aim to be like them. I want to emulate their classic elegant styles (which seems so damn effortless) and to, not think like them for I have my own thoughts thankyouverymuch, but to embody a certain sort of graceful confidence and silent strength. They are so comfortable in their skin, so confident in their own views and opinions, and never gave a damn about what the others thought of them. It is a concept that has eluded me for the past 30 years of my life.
It is only recently, after I’ve rediscovered God, which imbued me with a sense of self-confidence, a sense of who I really am, that I started being comfortable with being myself. I’ve begun wearing things that I’ve always imagined myself wearing, but just too afraid to actually wear it. Really, plenty of items that I personally love were just languishing in my wardrobe waiting to see the light of day. Recently I took them out and paired them with my usual denim jeans and voila, I never felt better or more confident.
Also, I have never been comfortable with hearing my own voice in a group or formal setting. Normally I wouldn’t even make a squeak during office meetings. I hated hearing myself and if forced to speak, I would mess up. Another embarrassing quirk when addressing a large group? I would go absolutely red in the face (blushing is the term) just from sheer embarrassment. I truly hated the experience. However, lately I am starting to be a bit more vocal, and to try to speak up during meetings (but only when needed). I would still turn horribly red, but at least, at least I am getting used to the blushing. Shrugs. I take it as just one of the quirky signals that embarrassment causes me. I am learning to be comfortable with showing people, or letting them know, that I am embarrassed. I don’t always have everything in control y’know. Nobody does. It is perfectly alright to be embarrassed. It shows that you are human.
I am also inspired by music, art, general creativeness. I mean, they say that art is an imitation of life. That it is the window to life. It is true. So, in actuality, I am inspired by the life that inspired the art.
Honestly, creative lives inspire me. It makes me yearn to be creative. I know I have a creative side somewhere inside of me. It is not entirely concealed, it comes out in spurts, but these creative spurts are few and far in between. I guess I am not ready to unleash the full creative Kraken yet. It longs to come out, but the host (aka me) is not ready.
So in the meantime, to keep my creative Kraken satisfied, I load up on other people’s creativity. I listen to music, I watch plays, I visit art museums, I read articles from Modernmet. My recent favourite thing to do now? Watch documentaries.
I’ve just completed Chef’s Table on Netflix. All two seasons of it (one season has about 5–6 episodes). I highly recommend you to go watch it! I am so inspired by all the chefs featured. They are so tough. I am so inspired by their determination. They persevere in what they love — cooking — and they went through many obstacles to get where they are. They are stubborn, they are adamant, but most importantly, they have their own vision of how they want their restaurants to be and they have the guts to stick to that.
They taught me that it is important to be true to yourself and to know what you want. After knowing what you want, it is important to stick to your guns and not be affected by the opinions of others, or in the lack of interest shown by others. That is something I lack at the moment. Vision and guts.
That is why the Kraken still lives within me. It’s moment of glory is not here yet.
