How Sales and I Just Didn’t Mesh
If you can handle these four obstacles in the road to success, then maybe this path is the one you’re meant to travel upon
As a college student, having a job is highly valued, and work is seen as an effort toward climbing that insurmountable mountain of student loans. When finding a career, it’s seen as even better when your job actually relates to your degree. Sales seems like the kind of field that anyone can excel in, and with a communications degree, you would think a marketing gig would be a cake walk — but I quickly learned the hard way that being a sales person is not for everyone, especially if you’re me.
A couple of semesters ago, I quit my job working as a hostess at a popular restaurant. I needed something less stressful, but just as profitable for the amount of time I’d be putting in. After scrolling through Craigslist for the hundredth time, I’d finally found an appealing job listing: weekend work, close to my house, at least $10 an hour, and flexible scheduling. I’d be spending my Saturdays and Sundays selling CoQ10 at my local wholesale clubhouse. Sure, I’d never worked in sales before, but it didn’t seem too bad. All I’d need to do is man one of those sample kiosks at Costco. Easy, right?
Well… No. There are four main reasons that job sucked hardcore:
1. Talking to People, or Hell Is Real, and It’s Called Customer Service
You’d think that, as the almighty communications major, I’d be able to handle a simple conversation… Except every conversation I had on the clock had to be small talk.
“How are ya?” I’d say, suddenly hyperaware of the genuineness of my strained smile. “Wanna try some CoQ10?”
“F — — off,” was a popular answer. There was the nicer, “No, not today!” or “I’m allergic,” but overwhelmingly, I received unreasonably angry responses. Listen, lady, I know you have places to be — I would also like to not be here — but I’m just trying to make a living here. A simple “No,” will suffice, or even a shake of the head. I won’t hound you. I promise.
2. Commission
Despite my desire not to be more of a bother than I already was, one must take into consideration my $10 an hour paycheck was heavily dependent on that insidious little beast.
Without that 15-box-a-shift bonus, I only made $8.50. If I didn’t hit that minimum, I was scraping just past minimum wage for a job that required me to bring my own demo table, unpack a huge crate full of boxes of CoQ10, set up an appealing spread of supplements for my display, wear a godawful hair net, and stand on my feet, in the same place, for eight hours on a weekend, when I could be sleeping, or partying, or Netflix-and-chilling, or whatever it is that the hip young millennials are up to nowadays.
3. Drug Peddling
For some reason I haven’t yet been able to decipher, people don’t seem to like it when you try to sell them drugs as they’re trying to get their weekly groceries.
Wild, right? I don’t know. Can’t quite figure it out.
Yep, that’s right — as a supplement, CoQ10 technically counts as a drug, and consumers get wary when a freak in rubber gloves and a hair net approaches you, offering you a taste of this hot new miracle drug that’s supposed to heal all these ailments. I’d received a packet with an entire list of inconclusive medical claims and vague correlations that I was supposed to push as causations. It was sketchy, despite being perfectly legal, and it made me uncomfortable. And customers are like predators: they smell fear.
4. Kids
I love kids. Children are our future, and they must be protected and nurtured for us to have a prosperous society. Kids are sweet, adorable, precious creatures, and they deserve a lot more credit than they receive.
That being said, I’m having exactly zero children. Keep the little hellions out of my adult life. I’ll gladly be your kids’ aunty, but there’s no way in all seven circles of hell that I’m raising one of the little monsters.
My work often led me to offer samples to children, parents allowing, and usually, they handled it pretty well. My last day on the job, however, two middle-school aged brats decided that the best use of their time waiting for Mom and Dad to cruise the dairy aisle was to antagonize me, a lowly wage slave, by continuously asking for more samples.
I was happy to acquiesce, seeing as I was on my last sample bottle and needed to empty it before packing up and driving home for the day. The second I turned my back, however, a resounding crash had me cringing, and I turned around to see my hopes and dreams scattered all over the ground.
The oldest of the two had flipped my demo table over. Both were laughing.
I looked up. I looked down. I looked left. I looked right.
I walked to the employee break room, pulled out my phone, and drafted my resignation email on the spot.
Sales definitely isn’t for everyone. If you can handle these four obstacles in the road to success, then maybe this path is the one you’re meant to travel upon. If not, however, welcome to the club. Have a shot at CoQ10 — it’s great for heart health.
Originally published at www.theodysseyonline.com on April 5, 2016.
