Reading what you wrote in your own voice about how truly difficult it was to say what you wanted: that gave me chills, a little bit. I teared up, a little bit. When you go back to it, after a time (I am a firm believer in stepping away, and coming back), I think you’ll see the power in that penultimate desperate lovely paragraph.
You’re a good writer. I’m really happy with myself to have discovered your strong, original work.