I found myself again.
I am at one of the darkest times of my life right now at a young age of 30. I knew this could happen, but never thought it could happen so soon.
I am at the brink of losing the love of my life — but at the same time, I am finding time and effort to love myself again.
For almost a decade, I have almost forgotten that ‘I’ have my own life separate from ‘Us’ and ‘We’. For the longest time, I’ve always been telling stories of how ‘we’ did this, where ‘we’ went during the summer, what ‘we’ had for dinner. I have forgotten that I should have my own stories to tell and places to be, experiences to try. And after this heart-breaking thing that happened to both of ‘us’ — I have found ‘I’, I have started to find myself again and hear my own thoughts, my own feelings and recognise them. I am finally listening to myself again.
Now that I am closing a door and leaving it ajar, I have decided to pursue discovering myself again and finding my own happiness. The joy of being alone, of finally living alone (which I’ve never tried) of traveling far away by myself and discovering new things on my own. I have also opened doors and windows to friends I have neglected and opportunities I have brushed away just because if wasn’t good for ‘us’.
I have found strength to wake up everyday and go to work with a positive mind — I have found strength in my body that I never knew I had and I continue to make it stronger by spending time everyday working out and being healthy. I am constantly trying to find strength of spirit and mind as I embark on my new found love — yoga and meditation — how it has helped appease my bruised soul and my battered spirit.
I am slowly rising from where I have fallen and picking up little tiny bits of myself again. I do hope and pray that one day, once I am completely whole again — I would be able to swing that door wide open and welcome him back again.