This poem I wrote in order to help me figure out what I want out of relationships.
It is more for me than you.
“Ive never been worth….
Ive never been worth, the 12 pm lunch or the flowers after work
Ive never been worth the oh, lets meet my parents and family.
The honey, i made you breakfast or lets talk about your REAL day…your REAL feelings, your REAL-ness.
Ive never been worth the all the time companionship, the cutesy texts in the middle of the day simply asking me, “what are you doing right now?”
Ive never been worth that stroll to the park or our daily Sunday routine
or we liked to do, we hate to do,
but we don’t do anything more than just fuck..sleep and repeat.
Ive never been worth that thought of our future, that she is the one
Ive never been worth that thought of I Love you, I love her, I love we
Ive never been worth the forgiveness or the sorry or the acknowledgement of…her pain
Ive only been worth the late night booty, the crash pad, the confidant, that one adventure
Ive never been worth too much more than that girl and not this is my girl.
When have I let my self worth go out the window? As I was figuring myself to be liberating and feeling free to love, fuck, fantasize about who I wanted.
I thought it felt gooood. I wanted it to feel good. I needed it for myself
…To feel good.”
Now I realize that I am capable of enjoying loneliness as
freedom comes with a cost and
i would rather be a free women,