I want to write and I’m really tired. Tasnim was a part of me. Losing her is losing half of my entire body, I can’t see straight, I don’t know how to be myself because I existed through her. It’s like learning who I am for the first time, everything I did was with her, every thought I had I needed to tell her, every thing I wore she had a say in, everything I was too ashamed to tell anyone else I told her, everything in my mind she knew before it left my mouth. I could go on and on and on, but doing that won’t nearly describe how much I felt for her. I’ve never felt love and care and compassion and admiration and awe for a person like I did for her. She was the most deserving, talented, beautiful, magnificent, extraordinary person I’d ever met. She’d do things sometimes and I’d be speechless because I didn’t think a human being could contain the multitudes she did. Tasnim gave everything she had to others, and more and more and more. She gave so much and at times I’d tell her that she needed to look after herself. When I saw her hurt all I wanted was to drag any pain out of her, I would do anything for her. She was the only person I checked on everyday, the one person I never got sick of being around and that’s saying a lot. Everyday after class, before I’d even take my shoes off, I’d make my way to her room and sit on her desk chair and talk to her. We would do this for hours. Anytime I wanted to go out, Tasnim already knew and wanted the same — that’s how we were. She and I were on a separate wavelength from everyone else. She always just knew what I felt before I felt it, I knew what she was going to say before she said it. We felt the same things at the same time, our lives were in the same phases of hurt and happiness and love in parallel. She did so much for me my mind can’t even contain everything she did. She transformed me as a human being, she taught me how to give and empathize and cultivate softness. And I always tried to do the same for her, I loved being there for her, did my best to give her all the confidence in the world, and while she was here I realized that being so incredibly close to her, living with her, knowing her deepest life, was the biggest privilege of my life. She was the greatest, most transcendent gift that I never deserved, but got anyways. She was a sunset on the most beautiful day. There was nothing she couldn’t do, nothing she could do wrong. No one can say a negative thing about her. I can’t. She made me a different person, a better person, and everyday I will do my best to live up to her life. She is beyond the standard of person everyone should be. There will never be a replacement for her, and although her loss has left me with a gaping hole in my heart — I’m so grateful to have gotten to experience her love, at the closest proximity. I loved living with her, I loved talking to her everyday, I loved kissing her forehead and comforting her in her pain, I loved her tiny hands when she hugged me, I loved everything about her unconditionally and infinitely. She was and always will be the greatest love of my life, my soulmate. I don’t know who I am without her, but I have to move forward and so do all of us who knew her. The one thing she hated was seeing her loved ones in pain, and although this is the greatest pain I have ever felt, we have to keep going. We have to live with her memory, her beautiful smile, her kindness, her warm hugs and kisses and jokes and ridiculous dancing. She challenged all of us to raise ourselves up as people, and we have to do that for her. There will never be another Tasnim, she was a once in a lifetime type of person. We literally had an angel with us. Thank you to everyone who expressed kindness and love towards her throughout her life and at her passing. You made her feel confident and happy and full while she was here. And you provided incredible support for her family throughout this. To everyone who came to her Janazah, there are no words for how much that meant. Your duas and presence there created a sense of togetherness that everyone desperately needed. Thank you for the DMs and messages and tweets and likes, every single one made a difference. There is a lot of pain, especially today, but I know there’s even more love and light and support. I saw that today and I sincerely hope that carries on forever. Be better for her and for yourselves. Love people openly, express anything you feel, let those you love and who love you know when you’re hurting. No matter what you go through I assure you someone will be there to listen. Never be afraid to compliment people excessively, to publicly display affection, to care too much. Life is heartbreakingly short. If you can do anything for her now, it’s take her example and give generously, receive openly, and move forward with purpose. The one thing Tasnim and I would always complain about was how people took advantage of how giving we were, how she wished more people gave their love openly like she did. She was one person trying to be there for so many people, we need to be there for each other like she always was. Never be afraid to be a soft person, the world needs softness, light and love. Always tell your loved ones how much you love them, and constantly. It seems annoying but it’s the one thing that gives me comfort. I never held back my love for her, I never spared a compliment, I never kept admiration I had for her to myself, and I never forgot to tell her how much she meant to me — every single day. She knew always that she was second to none in my life, and I know she knew that in her passing. I always knew how much I meant to her and so did everyone who was close to her, because she told us constantly. It’s so important I can’t say it enough — tell people how you feel. You are never, ever alone. Tasnim always reassured those around her of that, and I want everyone to know that. I will always love her the most of anyone in my life, I will think about her every waking moment — and I will thank God and everything else in this universe every day that she was my best friend, my sister, my greatest blessing. Rest in perfect peace my beautiful baby.

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