Letter to my family:
I don’t think that any of you understand just how deeply it hurts me to stay away. Do you truly care enough to even try to understand? It kills a piece of me each day to not call, to not visit. Do you care at all about me? You say you do, but your actions say otherwise. Why must you put every reason why I stay away solely on my shoulders? Why am I the only one to blame? Why don’t you talk to my father about coming to peace instead of just to me? Why don’t you tell him about making things right? After-all, you say that I am not acting like an adult. But if he is, in your minds, acting like an adult, why do you not talk to him about ending this ugly thing that has come between me and everyone of you? It is so simple as to what he would need to do to make every bit of that ugly creature go away. All he would need to do is accept that I am almost 30 years old and no longer under his dictatorship rule. He would never have to like it. All he would need to do is accept it and bite his lying and tyrannic tongue. I’m not asking anything more than that. Apparently that is too much to ask though. And apparently asking you to support me in this means that you betray my father and you care more about that than what it does to the rest of us. What if I die? What if you die? There’s nothing to do about it then. But I am the only one who is made to feel guilty about that. How is that right? These words do not come from an angry place, or a hateful place. They come from a hurting place, a painful place. I feel like even if you read this it wouldn’t make a difference. Why? Because nothing else that I have said has. My brother, who is only 2 years younger than me, who I was SO close to all my life up until 2 years ago, when I finally was made to leave by my father’s willful ignorance, refuses to talk to me about anything. But that’s all my fault too. Why is it so easy for you to place all of the blame on me for what has happened and what it has been forced to become? It takes at least 2 to make any kind of human relationship work. None of this is coming out right. I feel that I am unable to properly convey what I am trying to say, what is pouring out of my very soul.
To anyone who reads this: please. If there is anything that you could help me with in better writing this letter, I am all ears. Thank you.