July 21, 2017: A Bump in the Road

Blondie.
Blondie.
Jul 21, 2017 · 2 min read

Today was a hard day. After trying to get to sleep for three hours, I’m lying in bed at nearly four o’clock in the morning without any success, sobbing my eyes out. So what did I do? I turned to writing. I know that no one is or will ever read this probably, but I hope that someday someone will and know they’re not alone. Today the sadness won. Today I broke down.

The last few weeks have been a building process. As soon as I make progress, a hurricane seems to come and knock down everything that I have built up. Most days I tell myself that I’m happy and that things are getting better, but it’s nights like these that show me otherwise. It’s nights like these that remind me that I’m still not okay.

It’s unexplainable. How can one go from being so high up on happiness to so low and down in the dumps? How can one genuinely smile and laugh with friends only a few short hours earlier but break down and cry uncontrollably when alone? I don’t get it. I don’t like it. And I don’t want it to be this way.

I’ve been told so many times that my happiness only depends on me, but what happens when I’m not able to supply myself with that happiness? What happens when I’m trying so hard to obtain happiness but it won’t come? What happens when there are no other options? I’m lost. I’m at a standstill. I’ve come this far and I’m stuck.

I’ve hit a bump in the road and tonight I just feel like I can’t go any further. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m confused. And I’m done. These words aren’t pretty and quite honestly this article is simply just a rough draft; but one thing is for sure, this is 100% the raw truth. Overcoming sadness isn’t easy, but I just need to find the courage and motivation in myself to get up and take it one day at a time. It will get better.

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Blondie.

Written by

Blondie.

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