June 18, 2017: A New Beginning

Imagine going through life so miserable that all you feel is numb; day by day you go through the motions but don’t feel like you’re actually doing anything or getting anywhere. That feeling is agony and that is all I feel. My life feels so empty and like I am missing something, but nothing can satisfy the hunger that I yearn for to fill that void in my life. No boy, friend, person, or object seems to fill my hunger for happiness, but I need the feeling to be gone. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to be unhappy. No, this isn’t a suicide note; this is a call for change. So, today is the day I start over.

Today I begin my journey to become a better me. In order to overcome this unhappiness I have been feeling, I need to make a change. I need to love myself for who I am because filling myself with self-doubt is truly lethal. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. And I am enough. Someone, somewhere, has it way worse than I do so I need to be grateful for what I have and what life has given me. Be thankful. Be generous. And, if anything, be humble and kind.

Today I am open. The next step I need to take in becoming a better me is the one where I share my feelings (which is what I am trying to do right now.) Bottling things up just makes everything worse until a meltdown occurs. Get things out. Say what you feel. Cry when you need to. And never, ever hold a grudge over something that won’t matter a week, a month, a year, or even five years from now. It’s not worth it. If you lose a friend over it, they were put in your life to teach you a lesson and I promise you will be happier without them and their negativity in the long run. Honesty with yourself and others is key.

Today I decide to do what’s best for me. First of all, you have one body: take care of it, love it, and embrace every flaw. Eat healthy, but treat yourself occasionally. Workout, do yoga, run, or just simply take a day to relax when you need to. Take your vitamins. Brush your teeth. Wash your face. And, for the love of God, SLEEP. Take naps. Coffee and caffeine don’t always cut it.

Today I constantly remind myself that hard work will always pay off in the end. I may work a crazy amount of hours and be way underpaid but it is totally worth it. You make a difference in people’s lives every day. You are appreciated by not only your coworkers, but also your patients, their families and friends, and the whole community. Don’t ever give up on sharing your compassion with others. You are one of a kind and you are totally and completely loved for working hard and doing your job with a big heart. DO NOT SLACK. Especially in school. Someday someone’s life is going to be in your hands. Would you want a nurse or doctor that got C’s in school or would you prefer the one with A’s? Do your homework, study for that big test, and if anything, DO NOT CRAM. The rest of your college career is built on prior knowledge so you need to remember it. Don’t complain. It will be hard but you will make it. You will succeed and you will be the best that you can possibly be.

Today I choose happiness. Forget about what others think, forget about what he thinks. You don’t need a man to be happy. Heck, you don’t need anyone to be happy (but a few good friends are always necessary.) Get up, dress up, do your hair and makeup, and go out. Or stay in. It doesn’t matter; just look and feel good for you. Read books, listen to music, and dance like no one is watching. Go to concerts, sing as loud as you can, jam out and have dance parties in the car. But most importantly, have fun. Have no regrets when looking back on life. Just be you.

In life, we all have a story. There are ups and downs, triumphs and tribulations, but one thing is for sure: there are no two stories or chapters that are ever the same. So join me for the next year in my daily journey as I write the next chapter of my life and grow to become the person I long to be.

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