russiagate roundup — november 5, 2017
Sadly, even though Twitter screamed and frothed at the mouth for #FlynnFriday, no arrests came, and it looked as though Mueller just might give the Trump administration a breather from their Worst Week Ever. Then, this morning, the media announced “Mueller has enough to indict Flynn and Flynn Jr.” Note, that this does not actually mean they have been arrested or turned themselves in, so one has to wonder, given the sense we’re getting for Bobby M’s long game, is whether the media leak was strategically planned to get Flynn to roll to keep his son out of jail. Tension is so thick inside the Beltway, what with everyone waiting for all these damn shoes to drop. Coke dealers must be having a field day…gotta get in that last blowout before the cuffs are slapped on.
1. Today’s bombshell is that it looks like General Treasonweasel, Mike Flynn, and chip-off-the-old-block, Flynn Jr. are a cunt hair away from being indicted. This will make five, that’s FIVE, members of the Trump campaign who have been arrested because of *proven* ties to Russia. Goofy Ears Flynn Sr. is now being investigated for his role in a fucking KIDNAPPING PLOT (seriously, are we in Nambia right now…this is some third-world shit) involving taking out president of Turkey Recep Erdogan’s chief rival for millions of dollars. That’s not just “light treason,” kids. This is the real deal. The things rich white dudes won’t do to make themselves even richer never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, since Mueller tends to love the smell of indictment-related panic on Monday mornings, tomorrow is looking to be a giant news day. MMGA! Making Mondays Great Again!
2. Meanwhile the “honest, we swear we totally, for sure, ab-sa-toot-ly are here to represent you” GOP members in the House introduced a resolution calling for Bob Mueller to recuse himself as special counsel. No, seriously. For reals. I mean, what’s the big deal about Russia when there’s a new reason to vilify KILLARY! GOP Representatives Matt Gaetz, Andy Biggs, and Louie “Giant Gomer” Gohmert, said Mueller should step down because he was FBI director during the investigation of a botched uranium deal between the Russians and Uranium One. Russian bots have been fueling the Uranium One “story,” and Crooked Hillary haters have latched onto it, retweeting the #FAKENEWS story over 328,870 times in 10 days. (Hillary is not guilty of any uranium-related crimes.)
3. This morning the Dallas Morning News dropped the bombshell that Donald Trump and the PACs for Mitch McConnell, Marco Rubio, Scott Walker, Lindsey Graham, John Kasich, and John McCain (I KNOW!!!) accepted $7.35 million in contributions from a Ukrainian-born oligarch who is the business partner of two of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s favorite oligarchs and a Russian government bank. General consensus is that this will be the tip of the iceberg in terms of linking dirty Russian money to GOP 2016 campaign funding. Nothing like laundering your filthy, ill-gotten gains through the squeaky-clean US democracy, amirite? So if you’ve been wondering why the GOP has been so spineless as yet another story drops about Trump’s ties to Russia, it’s not just because they are morally craven, utterly despicable shitbags — it’s also because they’ve been sucking at old Daddy Vladdy’s teat as well. I’ll say it again: over FIFTY indictments are coming. They ain’t all gonna be “coffee boys” either.
Speaking of, what’s the over/under on how quickly Team trump will release a statement saying “Flynn? Never heard of him. Fredrick Douglass told me he was just the copy boy!” When questioned about Papa-D, Trump said “I don’t remember much about that meeting. It was a very unimportant meeting, took place a long time [ago].” This from the man who bragged, not three weeks ago, about having “the best memory ever.” Here’s something to remember, Donny: you get one phone call from jail.
4. Many experts, conservative and liberal alike, are stepping forward to give interviews about how fucked the Trump crime family is. One has to wonder what Sunday dinner will be like around the Trump table. Picture it: a dining room in the private residence; all Trumps are present. All we hear is angry, determined chewing; all we see is the Trump family nervously glancing at one another via side eye. Jared reaches toward a meat platter in the middle of the table, angling for the fork atop it so he can grab the last piece of prime rib when suddenly — with the speed of a frog’s tongue shooting out to snag a fly — Trump’s arm lashes out, his tiny hand snatches the prime rib, and he begin to savagely shove the entire prime rib in his mouth, eyes darting wildly around the table.
Sam Nunberg, a former Trump aide, said “Here’s what Manafort’s indictment tells me: Mueller is going to go over every financial dealing of Jared Kushner and the Trump Organization…Trump is at 33 percent in Gallup. You can’t go any lower. He’s fucked.” Leon Panetta weighed in and basically said the same thing: his lobster thermidor is cooked.
5. Speaking of Paulie Walnuts, additional Manafort revelations in the past few days have included that the Cypriot bank, through which Russia launders about 80% of its dirty lucre, turned over all of Manafort’s bank records to Team Mueller. Oh and here’s a juicy morsel: Manfort has apparently been doing business with a tantalizing Russian named Semion Mogilevich, who is frequently called “the most dangerous mobster in the world,” as he is believed to run the majority of Russian mob activities in the world. According to the FBI, Mogilevich is responsible for weapons trafficking, contract killings, and international prostitution. In 2009, he made the bureau’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives list. Y’all remember when Obama wore a tan jacket? It’s a miracle that brother survived that scandal.
Deep Throat dropped the mad wisdom that will carry us through modern-day American politics: “follow the money.” Because all of this? All of the crime and fakery and abuse of democracy and destruction of our Constitution is about money. It’s about rich white men who have been gaming the system to their advantage for decades. And if left to their own devices, they would have continued to do so until they sucked all of the resources out of the planet, and the planet was gasping for its last breath. But because Trump dragged these mob lowlifes into his presidential administration, this motley crew of crooks, thieves, and thugs have now been subjected to a more intense scrutiny than many of these men have ever seen before. Oh and here’s a fun fact: House Democrats are calling on Paul Ryan to ensure he won’t let Trump fire Mueller and Ryan refused. Given that SpookTwitter is insisting that Ryan is on tape taking about laundering Russian money, it’s not a stretch to imagine a future indictment with his name on it. All these filthy bitches, still counting on wealth and power to save them from their misdeeds.
6. And while on the subject of filthy, unscrupulous, and craven white men, WaPo just dropped a huge story about Wilbur Ross being tied to Russia as well. At this point, we should probably just be hunting for the people in his administration who AREN’T tied to Russia. Y’all remember Wilbur Ross? I wrote about him last week. He’s our venal vulgarian’s Secretary of Commerce. Turns out ol’ Wilbur has had his hands in the Russian cookie pot too. He’s doing business with Pooter’s son-in-law through a shipping venture in Russia. I shit you not. I guess the old adage is right: you are the company you keep.
All this and it was just revealed that Trump will be hooking up with Poots during his Asia trip. I wonder what they’ll talk about? The French Prime Minister’s wife’s ass?
7. Trumpleton’s staff pool continues to hemorrhage warm bodies. Most people are expecting DeVos to resign soon (possibly tomorrow). Thomas Toch, director of independent education think tank FutureEd, states ”She can’t fill her senior staff slots,” he said. “Morale is terrible at the department. I’ll tell you, in Washington education circles, the conversation is already about the post-DeVos landscape, because the assumption is she won’t stay long…I think she’s been probably one of the most ineffective people to ever hold the job.” Oh Bets, are the other children being too mean to you, or did you just decide this whole working-to-survive thing was for the birds? None of the people Trump has appointed seems to understand their jobs, which is probably why his base loves him so — they don’t understand all this complicated governing stuff either, and rather than saying “That sure sounds complicated…better hire the best experts in each field,” they want to fill these government slots with people as stupid as they are. And because Trump’s single criteria for appointing any person for any job is loyalty to Trump, we ain’t getting the cream of the crop here folks.
Other post-abandonment announcements this week include the news that Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) will be stepping down after his term. This enlightened chair of the House Science, Space and Technology Committee doesn’t believe climate change is real and has spend decades being a menace to the Latino population of Texas is throwing in the towel. Seals, oceans, and glaciers everywhere are celebrating the move. That’s one more seat open come 2018.
8. We’re all on pins and needles wondering what Bobby M’s next move is gonna be. What the Papa-D and Clovis flips tell us is that they are going after a larger target, likely the dude who ran the now-infamous meeting, J-Sesh himself. That, combined with Carter Page going on every media outlet from CNN to Radio KHCK out of Shitstain, Louisiana, flapping his gums, sweating like a rapist, and talking hot nonsense, has people whispering that poor Beauregard is about to have a major case of the vapors since they’re setting him up to be the fall elf. How’s ya loyalty now, Jefferson?
That’s one of the questions I have kept asking myself time and time again: why are career politicians throwing themselves on the sword for this spurious snake-oil salesman who is so obviously corrupt he might as well have rubles falling out of his shirt cuffs anywhere he goes? I mean sure, people like Manafort are lifelong shitbags, but then you look at Kelly, Mattis, etc. and can’t help but wonder WTF they’re thinking. Sure, there are people like Sessions and Bannon who are just happy to use their legislative power to screw minorities and women, but J-Sesh could have just kept pulling down his half-mil a year and retired into obscurity. Something makes them ignore the threats of treason, prison, being branded a traitor, and makes them abandon their respect for country and office. It’s not that they’re incredibly stupid or that they hunger to share a cell with a 400-pound black man named Tiny Smalls. It’s that they think they will get away with it because they always have. These are men who have spent a lifetime engaged in criminal shit and have always gotten away with it. And that, my friends, is White Privilege in a fucking nutshell. Unless you are wealthy, male, and white, the system is not rigged in your favor; it fact mostly it’s rigged *against* you.
9. Jesus, look what y’all made me do. I digress. Let’s cover some idiotic Trump quotes now. Trump says he’s not worried about unfilled State Department roles because he doesn’t need to. “The one that matters is me. I am the only one that matters.” For fuck’s sake, does there actually need to be a neon sign that says MENTALLY ILL NARCISSIST blinking above his head to have him committed? Christ, this guy is so cuckoo for cocoa puffs, he should have been living somewhere with soft walls long ago. Instead, Americans went on ahead and made him president. Today, on Air Force One, Trump also mentioned “The reason our stock market is so successful is because of me. I’ve always been great with money.” As though he were down on the floor of the stock exchange directing the world’s monies himself.
I’m sorta relying on #MuellerMondays to keep my sanity at this point. I’d love it to be brothers-in-law Junior and Kushie, but I think it will likely be the Family Flynn. This is gonna be a looooong process, y’all. Keep the faith. If you live in an area having elections this Tuesday and are not a member of the Republican party, get your asses and vote.
