shitshow roundup — august 10, 2017
How ya livin’ my fellow BlotusWatchers? Like all days in the Trump administration, the last few have brought a series of staggering developments and myriad Constitutional fuckeries.
Human thumb, Stephen Miller, took his giant, gleaming neinhead over to Fox News to demand we all hail the Supreme Leader. Miller is just fucking creepy — creepy like a scalpel cutting into an eyeball — but he got infinitely creepier when he announced, with a straight face, “President Trump’s the most gifted politician of our time, and he’s the best orator to hold that office in generations.” It was amazing that bow-tied blatherskite, Tucker Carlson, was able to suppress laughter in the face of such a ludicrous statement.
The Don went on the teevee to acknowledge what small-town America has known for a decade: that America is in the throes of an opioid crisis. Did he offer any fresh insights or a plan for addressing the problem? He did not. His facehole words on the subject basically amounted to “just say no,” which, as we all know, worked so well for Nancy 40 years ago. Trump also managed to blame his favorite punching bag, Mexicans, for the epidemic, instead of Purdue Pharmaceuticals, who knew during trial tests that their brand-new miracle drug, OxyContin, was incredibly addictive and continued making BILLIONS off of “legal” addicts while families are torn apart.
Speaking of disenfranchising millions of Americans, the DOJ just got permission to insist states purge their voter rolls, which essentially means taking away people’s right to vote if they didn’t vote in the last election, something that is in violation of the National Voters Right Act. This tickles J-Sesh, since he’s an unabashed White Nationalist and would love nothing more than to keep the brown people from voting. Coincidentally, this winds up being something that disproportionally affects counties that are Democrat and not Republican. I know, SHOCKING! This is huge folks — another step in what is increasingly becoming an authoritarian state. This is how the insanely unpopular Republicans will continue to win elections — by continuing to cheat. This in spite of the fact that there’s very little evidence of voter fraud.
Oh and y’all will be tickled, just tickled, over the fact that the GOP has OPENED ANOTHER INVESTIGATION TO HILLARY’S EMAILS. I shit you not. Does the GOP somehow think that Hills won the election, because they spend more time talking about her and Obama than they do the actual president.

A Very Big Thing happened in the ongoing #Russiagate scandal that’s not getting enough airtime: one-time Trump campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was the subject of a pre-dawn, guns-in-his-face-as-he-opened-his-eyes raid. The reason this is a big deal is that the FBI would only do this now if they think he’s withholding evidence, or they thought he was likely to destroy evidence. The theory is that they’re going after Manny because he has deep, deep ties to some nasty people in Russia, and the feds want to use what they have on him to turn state’s on Trumpleton. Either way, the chances Manafort getting charged with something have skyrocketed in light of this raid.
Given that the Russia-Trump conspiracy is heating up and looking to bear fruit any day now, many are speculating that this whole OHMIGOD NORTH KOREA IS GONNA NUKE US ALL panic is straight-up being manufactured by Agent Orange himself. It’s shaping up to be his Reichstag Fire. A fearful population is more easily manipulated. Just ask Dubya, whose abysmal ratings went up exponentially following 9/11. There are even some possibly-crazy-but-maybe-not experts on the matter who think Poots and the Rotund Asian Dictator are working together to help divert attention away from Russiagate to protect Pooty’s little orange Pinocchio. I don’t know about all that, but it does seem suspicious that NK all of the sudden got the capability to size nuclear weapons so that they now fit on missiles, and one can’t help but wonder if he had a little help from his neighbors to the north.
Either way, it’s reminded me that all we have in our Earthquake Survival kit is some 8-year-old granola bars, some band-aids, and a lot of booze. I’m not sure how effective it will be if the Portly Pol Pot from Pyongyang decides to unleash the fury. Either way, Trump reminds you all to “duck and covfefe.”
Oh and yesterday, a Russian “information-gathering” aircraft straight-up trolled DC, flying low enough that everyone had to notice. One can only hope they saw the giant Trump chicken on the White House lawn — -also put there to troll Trump.
Keep on fighting the good fight, resistors. It’s getting harder and harder to laugh at this fuckwittery, and I fear the best resolution to all of it will be to take a page from the French and start sharpening the guillotines. Stay sharp, y’all!
