shitshow roundup, october 16, 2017

Nothing quite sums up the Trump presidency so much as the story of the Canadian man who was recently freed after being held by the Taliban for five years who said he thought his captors were joking when they told him Donald Trump was president. Joshua Boyle stated “It didn’t enter my mind that they were being serious.” Welcome to the party, Josh. We’ve been here for 267 long days. No doubt Josh is considering returning to Afghanistan and joining the Taliban himself after considering captivity vs. a Trump presidency.

Trump continues his decent into madness, now openly lashing out at Congress for being the do-nothing fuck-ups that they are. Far be it for me to agree with anything that falls out of the Orange Menace’s mouth, but he is correct in the assessment that Congress has pretty much proved itself useless since 2010, when the GOP took over and made its active mission to keep Obama from accomplishing anything.

Trump continued his march to transfer all power in this country to the Executive Branch when he singlehandedly gutted the ACA last week. Like all of you, I have watched slack-jawed as he seems content to wipe his ass with the US Constitution and have wondered why, for nine months, NOT ONE GODDAMNED PERSON can or will seem to stop him from doing it. But it appears his latest attack on the Constitution also includes widespread attacks on GOP Senators and Representatives, something that could ultimately lead to his impeachment, with now even some Republicans speaking out against Trump. Lest you forget: these assholes have been silent for nine fucking months, yo.

Now that many of their campaigns are ramping up and the 2018 midterms are just around the corner, it appears as a number of these spineless assholes are starting to realize that their support of Trump at this point will be their undoing at the voting booths. I don’t know about y’all, but this trend of the GOP suddenly finding balls and admitting their leader is a deranged madman smacks of Louie in Casablanca exclaiming “I’m shocked — SHOCKED — to discover there’s gambling going on here!” Like you fucknuts didn’t realize he was crazier than a shithouse rat from Day One. But in spite of the fact that you’ve spent nine months using this peach puff to push through your Draconian agenda, y’all have failed to pass one single piece of significant legislation even though y’all hold both houses in Congress AND the White House. Your incompetence is legion.

And now, on Thursday, they vote on adding 1.5 trillion in debt, cutting Medicare by 473 billion, and Medicaid by 1 trillion. This is what the GOP calls “reform.” LOL. I do not think that word means what they think it means.

Speaking of Draconian agendas, remember that time that Big Pharma poured more than a million dollars into GOP candidates’ election campaigns so they would relax DEA laws and make it easier for drug companies to supply corrupt doctors and shady pharmacists with narcotics to peddle on the black market? No? Well it’s about to get even easier since Trump’s pick for head of the DEA is Tom Marino (R-PA) — the same guy who pushed his Transnational Drug Trafficking Act into law — legislation that undercuts the DEA’s ability to hold drug companies accountable. How’s it feel, GOP, to know that your massive campaign for the “war on drugs” for the past 40 years will be undercut overnight? Do you want those four decades back? Yeah, so do we considering the trillions of dollars that various Republican presidents have poured into that campaign over the years could have been used for things that would have actually benefitted Americans.

Will anyone who didn’t do drugs because of Nancy Reagan and her “just say no” campaign please raise their hand? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

In other Trumpleton nominations, he’s nominated a climate change denier to lead, what? Why, the White House’s environmental policy board of course! Kathleen Hartnett White has been a participant in projects such as “explaining the forgotten moral case for fossil fuels.” She’s also said that carbon dioxide is the gas “that makes life possible on the earth and naturally fertilizes plant growth.” Why is it that all of Trump’s picks seem to have graduated squarely in the bottom 25 percentile of their classes? Is there a term that means the opposite of “cream of the crop?”

My cat coughs up hairballs smarter than this woman

It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything about Trump’s creepy and inept offspring, which many suspect is General Kelly’s doing. However, J-Kush is back in the spotlight because the background check chief said he has “never seen [the] level of mistakes” Jared Kushner made on his security clearance application. You’ll remember that as investigative journalists kept uncovering facts about Kushie’s ties to Russian spies and oligarchs, he kept returning to his security clearance forms to add more names until eventually, the background checkers just had to cross out all the names and write “Oh Christ, he gave Putin a blow job, okay?”

Lastly, our bloated bloviator did, indeed, become the first president to speak at a hate group last Friday, when he addressed the Value Voters Summit. He hit on all the predictable loony hot buttons, like stating he’ll make sure homophobia roars back with a vengeance and stoking the ever-popular “war on Christmas.” He stated “It’s almost Christmas but people don’t talk about [it] anymore. They don’t use the word Christmas because it’s not politically correct…well guess what? We’re saying merry Christmas again.” Poor whites and evangelicals just loooooooove to feel persecuted and nothing allows them to plant themselves on that cross so much as the perceived war on Christmas, as though acknowledging other religions’ holidays somehow makes Jesus’ birthday less sacred for them. (I believe these were the same people who said gay marriage would somehow make their own marriages meaningless.) Poor Bill O’Reilly. Now that he’s been fired for being a sexual predator and lacks a platform to gin up fake reasons to be offended, he has nothing to do between Thanksgiving and December 25th.

We’re looking at yet another week of this shit, y’all. Hang tough and #RESIST. Always. Still.

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