Great work, as always. As a long-time fan of your writing, I have one question. Does your contract require you to mention pants-shitting and/or buttholes in every one of your columns, or is it just a personal style thing? Seems a bit excessive to me, but you know what they say, opinions are like . . . Oh, nevermind.
(All jokes/quibbles aside, I do seriously appreciate your writing. Thank you.)