ramblings | maybes ❁

some nights i wanna be someone’s everything and grow with someone but then there are those nights where i don’t wanna belong to a man in any kind of way at all. those are the nights when i just wanna deeply belong to myself forever. maybe it’s because i just got out of an abusive relationship, or maybe it’s because the first guy i ever ever completely loved and gave myself to woke up one day and decided “hey, this isn’t what i want and there’s no way u can change my mind.” and i so vividly remember begging him to love me, and trying to convince him that we can make it work. but i am learning that when someone has made up there mind about something there is no changing it. see, that’s the kind of shit can shatter your heart forever if u let it.

maybe i’m trying to prevent being hurt again. maybe i’m afraid that my freedom will completely be taken away from me and i will be that blindly stupid in love girl all over again.

idk, man.

people want u to forgive and forget but still remember them and love them and we always do. i always do. i’m always so hopeful of who someone can be that who they are right now is damn near irrelevant. and who am i to hold someones wrongdoings against them? but who are they to open me up, make me feel, make me crave them… only to leave when they’re done with me?

no. u are not allowed to only love me when u want to. u are not allowed to admire my calm but run away when u realize that i’m poet and an artist and shit gets deep. u are not allowed to call me your flower but forget to water me when i need it the most.

it’s just a confusing feeling when all you’ve done is loved and nurtured someone’s heart, kissed them a million times when they needed it most, held them with caring arms and then… they dip. but ya know, everything isn’t meant to last ‘til infinity.

let’s promise to love ourselves and the people around us better. ok? don’t be cold. don’t be afraid. always be open to receive genuine love. i love you, always my babies.