#Colin Cowherd Sees His Own Shadow Which Indicates 6 More Weeks of Stupid Opinions
By: Brain Wittsky
As winter comes to a close there is a tradition as old as time, letting a ground mammal control the fate of winter for the next six weeks but it appears the groundhog has some competition this year: Colin Cowherd (or as my 6th grade self would call Colon Cowturd and yes I did win class clown in Middle School). Colin Cowherd has the gall, the audacity to say that Coach Calipari’s players have underachieved in the NBA and are performing at an underwhelming pace. Even Stevie Wonder would read that sentence and cringe.
I was taught as a child that everyone is entitled to their opinion and that’s what makes the world a beautiful place, but I was also told that opinions are like assholes and everyone has one. So it appears to me Colin Cowherd should really check his whitey tighteys for streak marks because his asshole opinions clearly have diarrhea.
Colin said that if the history of the NBA was written that no UK players would be mentioned. It appears that Colin needs a refresher in the GOATS of the NBA from UK. It took me 0.2 milliseconds to immediately come up with the silver haired fox Pat Reilly. Who is a three time coach of the year and has been a part of FIVE championship teams. I know that dementia is a serious illness and shouldn’t be made fun but did Colin did you forget who was head of Heat operations when they won back to back NBA championships in 2012 and 2013? Ummm I’ll take UK alum pat Reilly for $2,000 Alex.
And yea sure, Joe B, Sutton, the great Tubby Smith and Billy G didn’t produce All stars per se but Nazr Mohammed won a ring with the Spurs and was in the league well over a decade, Rondo has hardware as well with being a crucial player in the Big Three Boston era. How about Tayshaun Prince? I think he also has more rings than you do Colin. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Enter in the 9th wonder of College basketball John Calipari. Calipari by most standards would probably win the 2020 election without even once having to reference his cock because we can tell how big it is by his walk. You can honestly look me in the face and in the history of NBA Anthony Davis (who just set the all star game record with 52pts), Demarcus Cousins who has had more 50pt games this season alone than you have brain cells and Karl Anthony Towns won’t be mentioned? I am jealous of you Colin, you get to walk into work drunk every day and wear your ass like a hat and continue to get paid. If I performed my job like you do yours I’d be fucking homeless jacking off behind dumpsters in San Diego.
Now I’m upset that I took the 10 minutes out this 70 degree day in February not combatting global warming, but instead I spent it writing this piece about you. I hope you’re happy because I sure as hell am not.