Knicks Legend Charles Oakley Seen Pushing Trojan Horse to the Entrance of Madison Square Garden: Swears “It’s Just a Gift”
By: Brain Wittsky
With the 8th pit of hell open it has seemed to cough up his unruly leader James Dolan, and how has God punished such an unholy man? He simply put him in charge of the Knicks basketball organization. I can’t think of many worse curses to be placed on me. I would have rather gotten typhoid as a result of breaking into King Tut’s tomb or just simply sit through an Adam Sandler 24 hour movie binge where all selections are post Mr. Deed’s. How does Mr. Dolan handle such a position of power? He bans Knicks legend Charles Oakley from Madison Square Garden for life.
Oakley was obviously distraught about the whole manner. Oakley told local Knicks radio personalities that he was really hoping to catch Katy Perry or at least Train on their next big tours where both artists will be headlining a show at Madison Square Garden later this month. Oakley when asked what started the confrontation he just said it was honestly just a misunderstanding. Oakley said he was just simply “trying to watch my favorite women’s basketball team take the court.” He never intended to start a fight.
Dolan has since signed an executive order for a temporary travel ban of Charles Oakley into Madison Square Garden. He has also enlisted the help of Phil Jackson to personally built a 15ft wall surrounding the arena so Charles Oakley can’t have access even with a fake mustache and top hat disguise. Phil Jackson when asked how he can juggle the construction project and Knicks basketball operations he was quoted as saying, “I’ve been doing this job drunk since day 1. I think my track record will show we will continue to persevere in mediocrity with or without my presence.”
With the wall nearing completion Charles Oakley was spotted pushing a huge wooden Trojan horse up next to the front door in full helmet gear and shield. Dolan told reporters that he was confused by the ordeal and didn’t really know if he should let it in or not. Dolan also told reporters that Oakley insisted it was gift and that there was no way Patrick Ewing was hidden inside ready to spill the blood of every Knicks employee.
Though early reports say Dolan has lifted the said lifetime ban after the gracious gift of the Trojan horse, once the horse was wheeled inside the police station was flooded with calls of concerned family members of Knicks employees who said they haven’t heard from their loved ones or seen them in the last 24 hours. Ewing was seen riding out of the arena covered in the blood of the innocent but that has become Ewing’s signature look so civilians thought nothing of it. If anyone has information they are told to contact authorities immediately.