Satan Seen Shopping for New Apartments as The Undertaker Takes His Throne in Hell.
By: Brain Wittsky
There are not many pure American traditions left but Professional Wrestling is one that has stood the test of time. If you haven’t choked slam a sibling or jumped from the top of a bunk bed to give a people’s elbow, you are not a true American and you’re a liar that I don’t trust. With WrestleMania 33 coming to a close we saw the end of an era that was the dark reign of The Undertaker.
With The Undertaker no longer having the ring to call his domain, where does the dead man go? He goes straight back to where he came from, the dark deep pits of Hell. We here at Blue Ball Sports, fortunately, have an inside horse in Hell. We bought an Ouija board at Target and I have a Great Aunt Jeannine who says she saw the Devil in a truck stop in El Paso and they became friends. Aunt Jeanine also had a peyote problem, but that’s neither here nor there.
Early rumors are as soon as The Undertaker made his way to the 8th pit of Hell he immediately walked up to Satan and challenged him to a buried alive match for the throne. Satan being the little bitch he is instantly got tombstone piledriven straight out of Hell and on Earth. What’s the Prince of Darkness to do now without a home?
Early reports say Satan has been shopping for nice condos on the east side of Manhattan but unfortunately, he’s having a real hard time finding employment to afford his luxurious lifestyle. We caught up with Beelzebub himself on how the transition was going to his new life. “Well life on Earth is tough, and admittingly some of it is my fault. I tried for an assistant manager position at the local Chick-Fil-A but once my background check came back as me being the cause of famine, war, pestilence, and death they quickly kicked me to the curb.”
With The Undertaker finally reclaiming his throne and the devil becoming a janitor at the local Mormon seminary school cleaning the bathrooms, everything seems to be in balance once again. With tearful eyes this writer just has one thing left to say, Thank you, Taker.