Tony Romo Still Upset He Couldn’t Lead the Cowboys to Another Playoff Loss

By: Brain Wittsky

What a glorious year for America’s team. Rookie sensations Dak Prescott and Zeke Elliot, along with veteran Boys Dez, Witten and an experienced secondary lead the Cowboys to a 13–3 record and a number 1 seed into the playoffs. Things were really looking good for America’s favorite team named after gun wielding cocaine and gambling addicts (Any offended real cowboys left in America can email me and I will send you a calendar because it’s 2017). But no glory can ever come without controversy.

Rookie sensation stepped up to lead the Cowboys after starter Tony Romo was sidelined in the preseason with a broken clavicle. Romo is no stranger to offseason surgery after. Romo in 2012 had his bone marrow replaced with blue JELL-O. Romo was quoted on how he chose blue over all other flavor and he simply replied, “I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside, but only on the left side, yeah that’s the Crip side.” Tony thought the surgery would be a smashing success, “I mean I’ve been fumbling JELL-O ever since my youth and it never once broke.” But tragedy followed as he once again suffered from a clavicle break while taking a hit playing the Seahawks in the third preseason game. With Romo being sidelined so early, the question on everyone’s mind quickly began to rise to the surface, “If Tony is sidelined who’s going to lose in the playoffs for us?”

With Dak taking the reigns as the new starter it became obvious quick that he just simply wasn’t cut out for the tall task of losing in traditional Cowboys fashion. Dak set the record for most passes completed by a rookie without an interception. He also lead the Cowboys on a 11 game winning streak. Could it be? Could a young man from Mississppi State lead Americas team to the Manifest Destiny of hoisting that Lombardi trophy in February?

After earning a first round bye, the Cowboys are only three wins away from glory. The Packers once again stand in the way. Dak’s first playoff game went exactly as we all expected, they were down 18 points at half time. The Earth seemed to back on its axis, the moon was no longer full and somehow Donald Trump was back to tweeting. All is well, or so we thought. Dak quickly came out hot at halftime and with the help of Dez Bryant was able to tie the game 31–31 and dare I say looked like he was actually going to give the Cowboys the first non-wildcard playoff win since 1996. As if by some curse placed on the Cowboys by a traveling gypsy woman, Aaron Rodgers finds tight end Jared Cook on 3rd and 20 to set up the game winning field goal as time expired. The clock struck midnight on the rookie sensations and once again the Cowboys must saddle up early and ride off into the sunset.

After the game veteran tight end Jason Witten told reporters, “Yea, I question leaving Dak in at the end of the game. If we’re going to lose in the playoffs I want the veteran in the backfield. I mean, Tony has been doing this his whole career. It just felt weird not having him back there as the clock strikes 0:00 on a loss” Witten wasn’t the only one to express frustrations, local fan Dale Smitz told a local reporter that he was disappointed in Jason Garrett’s decision making at the end of the game. “If we’re gonna [sic] lose why not give it the man who’s got us there so many years before.” Romo was quiet after the loss, he didn’t have much to comment on the matter but he did offer some existential wisdom from his favorite movie Old Yeller, “I just felt like this team was my dog, and I ought to be the one to shoot it.” I think that’s a message we all can get behind and the perfect motivation for an 8–8 comeback season for the gelatin filled veteran Romo.