Question: Does anyone here knows the meaning of the Cuban word «cheo»?

I am sure not many people know what it means. That’s fine. Even among bona fide Cubans (or Cubanos honoris causa like myself) this beauty of the Cuban slang is hard to grasp. But «cheo» is one great word. Oh, boy, it is a super-duper word!! Only the devil knows how much I love it!

So great it is it should have a gorgeous entry in the Spanish dictionary. And I am willing to fight my way to be among the first the day our Real Academia Española calls for writers to offer a definition. If I am chose for the task, I am telling you, those Spanish motherfuckers would have to give me a book contract!

Now what is «cheo»? Well, again it is not easy to explain but in no ways impossible to try. Think of that definition by the United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart: «I don’t know what pornography is, but I sure know when I see it.»

Well, same thing with «cheo:» it is hard to define, but when you see it, you go: «Fuck, cheo!» And when you see it, depending on the place and time, your courage, your regard for political correctness, you can

a. laugh until your pee comes out;

b. touch the person to see if he/she is real;

c. go home and become an alcoholic…

because, you see, «cheo» is «second-hand embarrassment.»

You can slip and fall, and the first thing you do is stand up and have a good chuckle. Then comes the philosophical consideration: «Fuck, am I an idiot or what?» Then the laugh: «Did you see? I went baraboom… Jajajjajajaj. OMG! JJJajajaja. I was distracted and when… jajjajajajjaja.»

Ancient Greeks called it «tragedy:» «Falling, getting up, laughing your ass off.»

Pretty cool, ah?

But, you see, there were no Cubans among the Greeks. Tragic indeed. (Tragic in the sense that we now understand that term.) Not having a Cuban there with Plato to say, «Niño, no comas mierda» is something to consider. We had to wait centuries for the word «cheo» to be invented. But now that we have it, knowing it well is something good, because «cheo» defines someone who has slipped more than once… and did not laughed. Not once. That person simply said: «Hmm, I might try this again.» And go on to live a life for others to feel that «second-hand embarrassment.» It is in the nature of some people. And, of course, it is the nature of some «artists» and fans who love those «artists.»

And now for a quiz. But before you go to the video, bear in mind that being «ridiculous» is somewhat not the same as being a «cheo.» The terms —how should I put it?— are distant cousins getting together once in awhile for a booty call.

The old man (and his older ass), I am sure, snapped out of being ridiculous long time ago. But he has the money, and will try that move again and again and again and again… until he becomes a «cheo.» You see, it all comes to the Greeks not having a badass, smart Cuban in their fold.

Now, you may ask, are Cubans exempt from being cheo? Por tu madre, NO! They invented the word, and they offer the most beautiful examples of «cheoism.» In fact, Miami is overpopulated by «cheos»! Some of them are great musicians and some are not. Some are not even musicians, but they have the money to tell others what music should and must be produced, or how it should and must sound for gringos to say, «Hey, caliente!,» «Rumba!,» «Vida loca!,» «Mamacita,!» «Feeling hot, hot, hot!»

Knowing this, the Latin Grammys won’t show this.

Heck, we all know what happened when this guy went to pick up an Oscar, and had to endure an obnoxious version of his song. That guy, it should be said, is a physician from Uruguay who decided to become a highly smart singer/songwriter and, believe you me, he simply doesn’t write or sing bullshit. So much so that he performed the most brilliant fuck you ever seen on TV.

But this doesn’t work well with the people of the Latin Grammy because those assholes, helped by this man, have created a Latino aesthetic for all those gringos (both conservative and liberals) who see Latinos (whatever the fuck that means) as a bunch moving their culos. Here are two cases in point (first link — second link).

They have a word for that: CROSSOVER. Crossover to where? Well, no one is willing to answer the question because in the business of stereotypes, questions are a no no.

And yet I have a few questions for those willing to pay money to see a Broadway show on the Estefans. What kind of story are you willing to take: the real or the fabricated? Is their story worth telling?

I can’t wait for the reviews!

Me? I won’t be seeing the show because I am highly allergic to «cheoism.» Just the thought of a Broadway play based on the Estefans makes me want to laugh until farts are cheaper by the dozen.