A Life Without Sex

Anony
Anony
Sep 4, 2018 · 8 min read

Aren’t people horrible?

People are not bad really but sometimes I get that idea. That people can be quite innocently silly and hurtful. It is okay I suppose until the silliness interferes with my sex life.

I don’t know how to say this, so I am just going to say it. I am a 26 year old virgin male. I didn’t know had to say it because I felt like there should be some sort of build it but I didn’t know how to build up to it. It is a big revelation after all. Woah, it is also quite bizarre in this day and age. Is the way that I express myself annoying?

Let’s focus back on the subject at hand. I guess I might be a little embarrassed and need a little of a break to recover. Whatever idea you have of me, I am sure it is wrong unless you know someone like me but I don’t really think you do. Oh my insecurities! People are quite different and my story is quite long.

I don’t think I am a horrible guy. Granted I am somewhat aware that I can be pretty. Girls just love to deny me their love which could potentially become sex. Not something to brag about. And yet there seems to be quite a few girls that give love every other way just not to me and I find that kind of offensive. After all I am a pretty alright guy. The love just doesn’t quite really land on me. And if it does, I am really put off by most likely the way women look. I can be a bit picky.

I must have Aspengers or something. I suppose if I were to tell whether a girl liked me or not or something in between, I would have a relationship by now rather than just being alone.

And so at this point, I might have to give you a reason to continue reading. How about this…it is going to become very philosophical at some point.

How do people even deal with their problems? Don’t humans ever love the phrase “it depends”. Here I am trying to figure myself out. If you were ever close to understanding imagine being my age and still not being so sure what intimacy is quite alike. I am really quite alone. I really wish I had someone to love. I am picky and obviously I am not the type that women die for. The singleness might drag alone unless I don’t start doing something different. Loneliness specially when it drags for long, it is really quite not a pretty sight.

And that something different is the question, there are millions of things that can help you be more successful with women. I have tried quite a few of those things with little success. However, that is besides the point really.

And this is when it all gets philosophical. If you were to imagine being in my situation, what do you think being so single for so long does to your psychic (I have been single for 13 years now)?

And this is when it gets dark. I have always founded shockingly interesting to know that in wars, soldiers seemed to be quite more prone to raping women. Given a different position, those men would not rape anybody. It is war that which makes them do it in a sense. In world war 2, Japanese soldiers and Soviet soldiers did those things. It is quite disturbing really. And even more disturbing to women I imagine (excluding those who might have a fetish for it — is that an urban legend?)

I am pretty nice guy. I really am. Haha and that’s not really because I am saying it. I always had the best intentions in life. I always wanted to do the right thing. I was quite religious in my teens and then for early adult youth I was more concerned in finding truth.

I never really went out of my way to hurt anyone and if I was for some reason, I tried avoiding the situation altogether. If I ever hurt anybody, it was probably my family. They had great expectations of me, to do more with my life, they thinking I am a genius and all.

So, as far as I could see, I was above average when it came to being nice to people (nowadays I am not completely sure what nice entails). And yet I thought that if I were in the same situation as those soldiers, I would have probably raped some women, too. Even though, and I knew this, I have never felt inclined to do in my everyday life. I couldn’t quite escape that possibility. Being so close to death because of war could change my belief system radically enough for me to commit such crimes.

And then — it is really hard for me to talk about this because it is getting quite personal — other men even though they haven’t ever being at war at all rape also. It makes me wonder whether they are in a situation similar to being in a war zone, perhaps not as dramatic. Are those men desperate? Are they super alone? Have never met any success with a woman and therefore their only choice is to do such a thing? Can being sexually frustrated induce you to rape? That is one question I am not sure whether I want to know the answer to. It would be weird to ask google let alone anybody.

Do I want to rape someone? NO. I guess being alone and full with hormones is not enough to commit such a crime. So I am good and safe. I am crossing my fingers I don’t become a monster.

Do I want to have sex? Yes. Gosh, it is only natural.

Do I want to wait any longer for sex? No. I am 26. I only think a few people have waited as long as me. I am a unicorn.

Have I tried being more successful with women? Quite for a long time.

What must I do then? You see, it got philosophical and dark. I apologize for the tone of voice I am using. It is much easier for me to write like this you see.

According to Maslow, my life is getting really screwed fundamentally because of not sex.

I watch porn almost every day. I masturbate almost every day. Sorry you had to read that. It is my private life after all but it is still a part of the puzzle.

It is not quite enough though. I am curious by nature. I want to feel like having sex, making love, loving someone physically, wanting and being wanted. Again, it is only natural and yet I am not doing or getting that.

This toils with my well being. I would say I am a pretty happy guy with a reasonable job. My life is pretty good except for in this subject.

I don’t know how to say this either but I have been looking at escorts. Prostitution, hookers. See? Didn’t I tell you it was going to be philosophical? In my honest opinion, there are a few things more philosophical than the “oldest job in the world”.

I am a nice guy I tell myself. Would a nice guy go to a strip club? Would a nice guy purchase an escort? Is that moral at all?

Considering my circumstance, I would say it is moral. I want to enjoy my fading youth. What other way is there?

Raping is one of the worst things people can do but I do think some people are forced into it (i.e. wars). Prostitution is horrible, too and most of society would agree with me otherwise it would be legal…and yet I can’t help but feel I am being forced into paying for intimacy.

I was walking once out of a club I went. I didn’t enter the club that night because I wasn’t feeling particularly good to socialize and probably be rejected once again. I went to entrance and the guy said that tonight one had to pay twice as normal.

Instead of getting more money from my car, I just left. As I walking towards my car, on a car on the street, I heard a guy say, “are you looking for a good night?”

There was this girl on the car next to him. She looked somewhat alluring. I ignored them and walked past them. They might not have been offering me the “service” but it seemed like it. I didn’t go not because I think my first time should be with someone I love. I do believe that but I don’t care to wait all my life for that person.

I think the deciding factor why I didn’t choose to talk to them was because I can be somewhat cheap. It seems to quite silly to pay for something that in “theory” I could get for free. Such a silly reason kept me from talking to that particular escort.

That happened awhile ago. I checked once more online for escorts online. I saw this particular 20 year old with nice bared full breasts. I wanted her, in a way it seemed like i fell for her (which is ridiculous, and look what I have reduced love to). I was really close to calling her.

What kept me from doing it? This time it was because I strongly feel like people depend on me to have a strong moral character. Because if I did that, it would make my job feel less special. I am not a quitter. I want to keep trying finding love even though I haven’t succeeded as of yet whatsoever. And because I keep getting rejected far more than I care to admit. And because I feel like maybe the escort might try to blackmail me or something and make my life horrible in that sense.

I have, however, promise my body if I haven’t had sex by the time I reach 30, I would buy a hooker. Ideally someone young and inexperienced. I do in fact think it is a moral dilemma. It makes me somewhat sick to my stomach.

I might chance my mind; however, and I might not even wait until I am 30. And I am not sure whether that would be or not a good idea.

And so I am done relating my story for now. Do I hate women? Some I suppose, those whom I loved but who didn’t care much for me. In a sense it is because of them rejecting me that I am in this situation. I know…all the blame could easily fall on me. But why do women choose just one male to have sex with? Between 20 and 100 woman probably have sex with one particular lucky man and the other men around those same women don’t get any action whatsoever from them. I am sad and confused. And I am quite the sore loser.

Regardless, aren’t humans shockingly interesting?

Sigh

Anony

Written by

Anony

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