To explain it all
Playing with all balls in, dirty as filth or might be…I’m not that candy gloss guy you see in the movies.
Well the promises have been made and said over and over again, so I won’t repeat them again, mostly cos’ I’m not so good with words. But I will say who I am and why I’d let things down.
With time things change from ‘How good you are’ to ‘how much your worth is’
I’ll tell you what happened to me…
I changed. I changed from romantic to being more practical. I changed from ‘smiling and agreeing to everything’ to ‘neutral and more realistic’. I stopped listening to Eminem and started liking the silence. And when it came to you, I just felt nothing. To keep my love with me, the cash seemed more important than romantic smile and lyrics. The options that I had were less, so I had to wear the same shirt to office every other day. I knew my shoes were not good, but it was not the only thing I had to worry about. ‘My love’ meant keeping you happy by getting a better job and a house that we could call it our own (which was perfect from certain point of view). Alcohol seemed more of a necessity than an option and speaking about my heart to someone seemed stupid cos’ at the end it wouldn’t matter what I blabber. The traffic jam seemed better than sitting in some so called good place and spend time. But all that had changed helped me understand what I am now. I am stiff now, little bitter with little experience but better with wisdom and ability to make peace.
I guess that happened after I lost what I had. I talk less now, to see who understands me more. I like my dad’s concern about me and other simple things that look precious. I learnt to fight less and let things go, and when it comes to love, well I have made peace with it too. This valentine I will be on my bike with my leather jacket on and will ride to the outskirts to have a beer and a cigarette. I will call my old guys and will look forward for the new dawn.
I think knowing this will make you proud, ‘I am no longer weak!’ But I am sorry, I should have waited to let things settle and time to be gentle on us. Both of us were young and situation was different. In a way I couldn’t express myself and let the gap go wider and I am sorry for that, but now I just wish happiness for you and peace for me.
But then again ‘Valentine’ sounds silly to me now