Awaiting My Next Title

As of today, I have approximately 7 weeks left of college. That’s only 7 more class meeting days. 7 more weeks of telling myself, I just need to make it this week [every week], and it will be over soon. 7 more class days until I have to somewhat become more grown up and begin my life in the “big girl” world.

I am not fearful of going out into the world as I am all already mostly doing adult things living in a big city: Paying rent and bills, and buying groceries every now and then, so it’s fine. The adult world doesn’t scare me. [Kind of].

What scares me is I have been in school for 17 years which is more than half of my life Every year knowing exactly what I was going to do and what I had to get done. It’s been my career since then to think like a student, act like a student, and just BE a student. I feel like it is all being taken from me. Sure I can go to Grad school, but that’s not my point. The entirety of my college career, I had a job and each time someone asked, “Oh what do you do?” My immediate response was, “Oh I’m a student.” Or, “I am in school right now in my last semester of Undergrad.” No matter the different ways to phrase, I always replied that I was a student, and just expected people to understand I had a part-time job somewhere to support myself. My job never mattered.

But what happens in 7 weeks when I finally take my last test? Or walk across the stage to receive my diploma? What do I tell people when they ask what I do? Silly, I know, but I have spent the last 17 years in a school institution so I feel as though my sense of purpose is gone, or I’m going through a really bad break up. I can’t use the excuse that I am student any longer for my explanation of why I am a train wreck some days, or not having a full time “big girl” job. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Graduate and forever work until death?

[insert line about living freely and traveling the world and sleeping when you’re dead..]

For the past 4 years school has defined me, my major has defined who I was and what I was going to be when I grew up. But now what? I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis 20 years early. My whole sense of purpose at this point [or so it feels] was to go to college, get a degree and have a little fun along the way.

I’ve completed that task.

I don’t have all the answers and there is no 3–5 page paper for this type of assignment. I know I will figure it out as every college kid post graduation. but something about just saying, “Oh, I work at a gym part-time” is hard for me since I put my blood, sweat and tears into these last 4 years to make it to this very moment.

Moral is, I know I am more than a college degree and have more meaning and purpose in this life, but we have been so conditioned to being students that when its time to finally step down from being a student, we are lost. We lose our sense of purpose and why we started college in the first place, especially when you have still no idea where life is headed or what type of career you want.

I’ve been trained to say that I am a student and that is my career and now, that title is being striped away.

Here’s to all the recent grads who feel a little hopeless and confused. We can go through this break up together [that is until I find a job posting and apply for it and don’t tell you, cause times are tough man].Getting ready to go pick up my cap and gown, nothing has trained or prepared me for what I would feel upon graduation, or where I should begin taking my next step; but until then, life will go on and I will learn just as I once did.

Here’s to my mid-life crisis and to the next title that awaits.