Don’t Forget to Have Fun

With an hour left of being 21, I can’t help but reminisce about how different my life was a year ago today. I was studying in one of the best cities in the world–London. I was taking advantage of every moment to explore and discover the culture by going to different museums every week. I valued every passing minute I was breathing. Nothing in the world mattered. I was alone, but far from lonely. To this day, I still dream of warm buttery scones with earl grey tea, and walking through the V&A free of charge.

This will forever be the background of my laptop and I’m not ashamed of it.

Now, I am stressed out of my mind wondering how the fuck am I going to complete my senior thesis exhibition? I barely eat proper meals, I don’t exercise, and I definitely don’t explore any kind of culture. My mind is swirling with anxiety about my thesis, the job search, being a good friend, other course work, and keeping myself alive. To anyone I’ve snapped at or neglected these past few months, I’m sorry. I care so much about this project that it scares me, but I also care about you and I hope you can understand.

A month from this very moment will be my exhibition opening. I’ve worked on this project for the past year. Being able to see the finish line makes me want to burst into tears from happiness and sadness. In less than a month it will be over. Not only that, but my friends, family, peers, professors, co-workers, bosses, future employers, and complete strangers are about to know a whole lot of intimate details about me. I’m not going to pretend that I’m ok or that I didn’t have cold feet earlier this week asking myself, “What the fuck did you get yourself into? Are you crazy? You should not do this. You just dug your grave. Good luck.” If you didn’t know, mini emotional break downs are required for completing a thesis. But then I stopped for a moment and remembered why I dug that hole in the first place. I want it more than I fear it. The message behind my thesis is far more important to me than my silly fears of judgement and failure.

Work in progress sketch of a final piece for my show.

While I was riding the blue bus home from another night in the studio I realized that whether I’m having the time of my life exploring London or I am crying in the shower about the immense pressure I feel, life goes on. There will be new challenges I will be overcoming and whining about a year from today. I have less than two months of my college career left and I’ve realized I want to appreciate what I have instead of what I don’t. I am filled with gratitude that I am surrounded by people who genuinely care about my well being and want to help me succeed. They listen to me instead of waiting for their turn to talk. They don’t shame me for having emotional break downs every two weeks. A few powerful thoughts by Gretchen Rubin resonated with me…

“I was inspired by an observation by Voltaire to make my resolution, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” In other words, instead of pushing yourself to an impossible “perfect,” and therefore getting nowhere, accept “good.” Many things worth doing are worth doing badly.”

I want to enjoy my last few weeks as much as I can while honoring my years work. For anyone finishing their thesis right now, remember to have fun. Regardless if it fails or succeeds, it won’t be the end of the world. We will graduate, we will laugh about this, and we will move on.

Follow my thesis progression on Instagram: Bng.design