Tinder Tales: Married Men, Cheaters, and Orgasms on Tape
Here’s what a 45-year-old San Franciscan woman told me about her possibly best — and definitely worst — moments on Tinder.
I got divorced a few years ago, and I’ve tried a lot of internet dating. Match.com. OKCupid. Tinder. Other places. The worst was the guy who turned into a stalker. We met on OKCupid, he was younger, and we met up for crepes one morning. That afternoon there was a World Series game on, and I was having a party at my place with some friends. He said “I like baseball…” so — and I know I shouldn’t have done this — I said, “Why don’t you come over?” Then, of course, everyone cancelled on me, and in the end it was just me and him.
Three days later — it was the night before the election — he texted me late at night and said “What are you doing? Want some company?” I said I was reading all the election literature and deciding who to vote for. He went away.
But on the Friday night he texted me again, this time at 2 a.m. On Saturday morning I sent him a message and told him to lose my number. Then, on Saturday night, he came to my building, got in, and started banging on my door, shouting. He was screaming and ranting at me “CAN I JUST GET A HANDJOB?”
He was in the stairwell, and it really echoes in there. Everybody heard. I had to call the police to get rid of him. Turns out he was a lawyer.
Sure, Tinder was considered a place for hookups, but you can make it what you want, you know? I want to have fun, have a good time, do things I wouldn’t normally do. One date, he just asked me: Do you want to go to Santa Cruz for the day? I thought about it, and I said sure, as long as I can take a photo of your license plate and send it to a friend, for my safety. There was no chemistry, but we had a lot of fun.
From my time on Tinder I think there are lots of married men, and lots of BDSM. I talked to one guy, his words and images were very seductive. So I matched with him, and we started talking. Turns out he was married with kids, but in an open relationship where he sleeps with women from Tinder and records the sounds their orgasms and puts them on the internet.
There are a couple of people, we were talking and then they just disappeared. Past history for me suggests there’s something else going on in their life — another girl, and they’re cheating, or maybe they got laid off from their job that morning, or something else that’s going to cause problems. So I just let it go.
But the guys who are my age on Tinder who are single are usually single for a reason. They just want to get laid. Jumping into bed happens too fucking quickly.
I meet all these young women, they’ve got a biological clock thing, they have it all planned that they want to find a man, get married, have a baby by the time they’re 30. When it doesn’t work out, they’re not just upset about the guy or the relationship — they’re upset about the dream, the vision.
I don’t think about that. I’m not saying I don’t have any dreams, but that isn’t for me any more. I want to go to shows, see live music, I want you to dance your ass off. I’m looking for that chemistry, I just haven’t found it yet.