5 Awesome And Useful Gifts for a Colonoscopy Patient

You must have a cheeky sense of humor to read this

Don’t laugh. It won’t be long before this medical procedure has you running to the nearest “convenience.” 40-something is now the starting line for that race.

In fact, consider yourself fortunate if you live long enough to have a colonoscopy become a regular, 5-year feature on your health care checklist.

And if it’s not you — most likely — a friend or family member is scheduled to be scoped this year. Colonoscopies are more and more common, yet rarely talked about.

So consider this a public service: how to make a colonoscopy (even the more pressing “prep day”) go quickly.

1 — Good Reading Material

The obvious gift here is a book of bathroom humor — one that produces audible groans because the jokes are so “bad.” (Just Google bathroom humor books — there are loads of them.) It will unloose the 2nd grader in you and laugh at the small absurdities in life.

But another — more subtle and intellectually challenging option — is a book like Dark Matter & Dark Energy. Reading that 95 percent of the universe is unknown to scientists is a lesson in humility. And there are plenty of books on black holes too.

2 — A Scented Candle

A strong fragrance of sea salt and driftwood or aroma from a sugar cookie candle are obviously welcomed for “prep day.” (Caution, the sugar cookie candle may enhance hunger pangs during your “clear liquids only” preparation.)

But more importantly — a candle can set a mood. The delicate dance of shadows cast by a lit candle in a darkened bathroom is a calming diversion. Just don’t place the burning candle too close to the towel rack or flammable items.

3 — Lip Balm

No water after midnight. That is the toughest instruction for me of all the “preparation” required. I live in Florida and drink large quantities of water daily. So going more than 11 hours without even IV fluid gives me chapped lips.

Hint, flavored lip balm is even better, mango/coconut became my favorite. Please note my refrain from “pucker up” humor.

4 — A Cup of Coffee

If you drink caffeine daily, I need say no more. My friend handed me a large coffee while driving me home. My nagging headache disappeared within minutes. No joke here, coffee is serious business for me.

5 — A Friendly Ride

You cannot drive yourself to and from this very, personal procedure. Asking for a ride is one reason why some delay or skip getting a colonoscopy. Many don’t have family nearby or close friends and are too embarrassed to ask an acquaintance or workmate.

So volunteer.

I’m a recent widow. And scheduling a colonoscopy was — yet again — another reminder that I no longer had my “life partner” to care for me.

I cried, twice.

First at the neverending realization of being alone. Then there were tears of grattitude. A friend volunteered to drive me without being asked. The same friend who brought me coffee, soup and a sandwich for later.

Her investment of a half-day was a timeless gift and earned my bottomless gratitude.

A Final Suggestion

You can’t give someone else a sense of humor. The world would be a better place and colonoscopies would be an easier “must go” if we could.

But(t) you can help someone laugh at the situation.