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I start to write something that I feel would be significant to someone and end up playing with my hair. I get angry about the hate and politics going on, and then, I just don’t care. Overdoses are at an all time high, and it doesn’t feel like my problem anymore.

My dad died. Damn. It just hurts. I know, even as the tears are streaming down my face, that I am not the only person to lose a parent. …


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Photo Bobbie Kaltmayer

I remember the first time I said that out loud. My voice was shaking, and the chair had just asked if anyone had any birthdays. I was one month sober. Four weeks. I had about ten meetings under my belt, but I had never spoken a word. People were friendly to me. They gave me space because that was what I wanted. I wasn’t sitting there crying anymore, like at the first few meetings I attended. I spoke the words out loud for the first time.

If you are familiar with the steps of AA — step one is admitting you are powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. There’s a lot of controversy over giving up power, with stating that you are powerless, especially women, in a time where we are fighting for power in every aspect of our lives. Empowering is the buzzword, so powerless would seem to be the antithesis. I had issues with this. I’m Bobbie. I can do it all, be anyone I want; no one can control what I do. No one is going to tell me I’m powerless. Except for alcohol. At that point in my life, alcohol was running and ruining every aspect of my life. …


The In-between

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(Photo courtesy of Unsplash)

When you come to the realization that your child is a drug addict, it completely knocks the wind out of you. You summon resolve and seek resources. You ask questions and find professionals to help. He came to you, asking for help, so you seek all the help you can find.

For us, help began with counseling. Twice a week for several months I took my son to an addiction counselor. No one suggested, at that time, a twelve step program. …

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