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Not getting laid? Your phone may be to blame

Sex rates trend downwards as phone use takes over

Would you rather have sex or use your phone?

While the answer to this question might be self-evident to a lot of us, recent statistics show that the answer is not the same for everyone. Millennials, in particular, have been noted to be having sex only rarely, if at all, even when coupled.

But the problem goes beyond millennials.

People have stopped having sex in favor of the internet. Before there were cell phones and 24/7 internet, before Match.com and before Tinder, people used to exploit opportunities in real life to meet people and eventually, get laid. What I notice is people ignoring each other in real life in favor of interacting over social media.

Pornhub saw its viewership rocket from 10 million daily visits in 2009 to 25 million in 2012 to 75 million in 2017.

Now people are so engaged in their phone usage and entertainment, think Netflix series that people brag about binge-watching to and video games that there’s little energy left to pursue sex in real life.

It’s ironic that now that everything has been sexualized, in the attempt to sell sell sell and get people to buy buy buy that people are increasingly lacking the desire to get it on.

Everybody’s doing it. Using their phone — not having sex. Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

According to a study by Jean M Twenge Ph.D. and colleagues, in March 2018, the average adult has sex nine times fewer than was claimed in the 1990’s. Young men, many of whom are not in the labor force because they prefer to play video games, are also not having sex — preferring to play the video games, instead. Does that seem strange to anyone else besides me? How could a video game be better than sex?

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I wonder if the lack of sex is contributing to the mean spiritedness that is infecting the discourse in America.

Pornhub, the leading vehicle for online porn in the United States, saw its viewership rocket from 10 million daily visits in 2009 to 25 million in 2012 to 75 million in 2017. Apparently, men have gotten so used to watching porn that the experience of having actual sex with an actual partner freaks them out so much that they can’t get it up.

So, the availability of free porn, along with the propensity of many men to take advantage of it when its offered in free abundance over the phone, has not worked out so well in terms of either men, or women, getting their sexual needs met.

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I wonder if the lack of sex is contributing to the mean spiritedness that is infecting the discourse in America. Admittedly, it couldn’t be the only reason — but is it that much of a stretch to imagine the lack of sex as being a factor in people’s rampant craziness and tribalism?

We know that sex lowers blood pressure, and raises self-esteem and feelings of well being. We know that people who have sex more often report higher levels of happiness.

So is it too far a stretch to imagine that if more people were getting it, more often, there might be less micro-aggressions; less hatred towards the environment, and everyone else?

The digital realm, with its appeal of total interconnection, and its dopamine hits from the likes, favorites and shares, has become its own relationship. I also have noticed that there are many more news articles recently about how artificial intelligence may be used in the creation of more realistic sex robots.

The whole area of machine intelligence used in the purpose of replacing human-to-human sexual connection is even being used under the auspices of feminism, in one article I read recently. Some women were promising the development of computer-based sex toys exclusively for women, ones which breached the computer-human barrier in ways that were being discussed as beneficial for women.

This whole trend to me is disturbing, because it seems to me that people should learn (or relearn) how to reconnect with one another — and to make love to each other. Yet, the fact that people are finding technology and the digital realm sexy, and seeking new ways to commodify women’s and men’s sexuality and link it to the purchase of products which are ever more complex and sophisticated artificial intelligence, makes me wonder: are other humans really so scary?

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And if they are, won’t they become scarier the less we interact with them?

It seems as though the less people are around other people, the less they want to be around them. The more people get used to being constantly entertained, the bigger their need becomes to be entertained.

There could only be one solution to the problem. People, which means both me, you, and everyone else, including people we don’t know and haven’t even met yet, must put down their smart phones.

And spend some time weaning themselves from video games and Netflix to attempt to spend some sort of time in real life.

And by real life, I mean the thing that awaits you on the other side of the glowing screen.