Climate Change in Vatican City Leads to Papal Vortex for Mid-Atlantic Region

Philadelphia, PA (The Daily Livermoron)

Dramatic changes to the climate in and around the Vatican City are believed to be the cause of a forecast “Papal Vortex” due to descend in the United States Mid-Atlantic region, starting early this week in Washington, DC and later encompassing New York City and Philadelphia.

Meteorologists are calling for a blizzard of Catholics to precipitate into these cities between now and next Sunday, September 27. “We’ll be knee deep in rosary beads and crucifixes by this time Friday, after the big surge,” stated New York’s Department of Transportation manager Kay Lewison, who is coordinating the city’s emergency response team. The city has already issued an advisory for Mass of congestion in Madison Square Garden on Friday evening.

The unusual storm system, which some are referring to as “El Padro,” is being influenced by climate changes emanating from the so-called eternal city, with increases in Holy See levels initiated by a warming trend from St. Peter’s Basilica itself. “We saw something like this in the mid-60s,” claimed pastoral climate watcher Franklin LaForge, “but then a cooling trend came screaming out of Poland by the late 70s, and kept everything in a deep freeze for decades.”

Following the front’s departure, a full moon with pronounced halo effect is expected on Monday the 28th.