
It’s ok to fail.
It may sound absurd but it’s true. Without failure, how do you know what success looks like?
I have failed at some things in my life. Relationships, jobs, name it. And one thing I've come to realize is that you’ll get over it with time because that’s how life works.
I spent a long time thinking about how even though at the time they were happening, “past failures” threatened to destroy my self esteem, joy, the respect people had for me and so on, they eventually didn’t seem as bad as I thought.
Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.
Of course, there are failures that have a lasting impact (like losing your source of income or losing a deal), especially when you make terrible mistakes that call your reputation, decision making and skill set into question. In these kind of situations, it is essential to learn lessons and apply them to avoid making those same mistakes again.
I’ve been doing some soul searching (and some research) and I've come up with some ideas on how to deal with failure . I hope it helps someone out there as much as it’s helping me.
I’m still a work in progress (we all are in some ways), but better at handling failure than I was just a few months ago.
Here we go
Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them.
Sometimes it’s not entirely your fault that you fail. This only applies if there are some elements at play beyond your control like lack of opportunities to move up, lack of recognition, toxic corporate culture etc. This doesn’t only apply to work, it also applies to relationships (both personal and professional) and projects.
Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.
It’s ok to be upset but never let that make you complacent. There might be a lot of obstacles but you need to put in the work required regardless of what you face. In the end, it will pay off.
Admit when you’re wrong.
This can be difficult, but it’s unavoidable. It’s best to admit when things go wrong and you’re at fault. Taking responsibility shows maturity, but it takes character, honesty and humility.
When we don’t take responsibility for our actions (good or bad), and we defer that option to someone else, it starts a cycle that will continue to show in everything we do. And then we end up losing the opportunity of learning from our mistakes.
So take responsibility for your mistakes, and learn from them so that you can reach your full potential.
Second Chances? Maybe.
There won’t always be a second chance when you make a mistake. If you do get the chance to change things, please do. Second chances are rare and when you don’t take them seriously, you lose the trust of the person who gave you that opportunity.
I’ve been in situations where i wished i had used the second, third and even fourth chance that I was given correctly. Those situations eventually ended up with me at the losing end. I wish I had done things differently and that I had taken those chances more seriously.
Sometimes you need a second chance, because you weren’t quite ready for the first
Secretly I wish I had even gotten more chances because of some of the wins I felt I had achieved, however many or few they were. In all of this, I have learnt that when someone gives you a second chance, it means that they are going against the norm and standing up for you even when it means that they look bad doing it.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give up on that dream / job / relationship just because you failed once. At the same time, don’t ignore the lessons you’ve learnt. If you do things the same way you did when you failed, you’re bound to fail again.
Take some time to look at what went wrong, and think of ways to fix things. While you’re at it, try to involve those who were affected by your failure so that they are at least aware that you’re working on it.
Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure. — Jack Lemmon
Ask for help if you need it. I have always been reluctant to ask for help, but found out that people are more than willing to help out in any small way they can. Got friends who has overcome the same challenges you’re facing? Give them a call! Know someone in the industry who can help you? Reach out! Do it today.
Learn the Lesson(s).
There are lessons to be learnt every time we fail. Rather than complaining or blaming yourself for failing, why not sit down and figure out the lesson to be learnt. Then compile all of those lessons and start to work on each one.
It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure. — Bill Gates
If you don’t do this, you might end up running into the same problems down the line. And also you might end up making the same mistakes all over again.
Put in the Work.
For me, this is the most important part. In order to avert failure, or reduce the risk of it, you need to be prepared.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail — Benjamin Franklin
Sometimes failing can be inevitable, but in the end it helps if you did your best to ensure success. You’ll feel good at the effort you put in, and have a reason to try again.
Here’s a video from Eduardo Zanatta at TEDxBYU on why failure is part of the road to success.
You can find me on Twitter or email me to continue the conversation / share your experience / give me some advice, I’m open to learning.
How have you overcome failure in your life? Please share in the comments, someone might learn a thing or two from your experience.
Many thanks to Debby for reading through the drafts.
