Found A Guy Stranded On A Desert Island

From the adventures of Capt. Heather T. LaFourge, commercial cruise ship Captain.

He’s been there for years, which means I have to devote half my day to catching him up on stuff.

“This is an iPhone,” I say, holding up my pink 5C. “You should get one if your ex-wife gives you any of her money.”

“Ex-wife?” he asks.

“It’s been years,” I say. “Think she waited? Good news is she probably sued whatever shipping company or airline crashed and left you stranded.”

He tells me he was on a cruise and went overboard. I nod and we start watching the pilot of ‘Breaking Bad’.

“You need to know watch the whole thing,” I say. “Before you can have conversations. Remember 9/11?”

He says of course he does. 9/11 happened several years before he was stranded.

“Jeez, okay. I was just going to remind you if you forgot.”

Then I go through the list. Britney. Lindsay. Who the Kardashians are. We have a black president but we’re kind of over it. Katrina.

“Watch these ‘Shit Girls Say’ parodies,” I say, handing him my iPad as I step out into the hallway for a second to talk to Rothschild.

“How is he, doc?”

“The usual,” Dr. Rothschild says. “Skinny. Really wants ice water and beef. Doesn’t even know that there’ve been two sequels to Before Sunrise.”

I ask Rothschild if there’s any chance this guy might die and he shakes his head no, bumming me out.

“I’d better catch him up to speed on Casey Anthony,” I say.

Back in the examination room he’s laughing his butt off at Shit Guys Say To Girls Who Talk To Guys About Their Plans To Make Shit Girls Say Parody Videos.

“Yeah, it was a simpler time,” I say. “By the way, what’s your name?”

He murmurs something in between guffaws at the video. I know what I think I heard, and I tell him to repeat himself.

“Matteo LaFourge,” he says again.

I suck in a breath, grip the edge of the examination table to steady myself. I brush his hair to the side and get a good look at his eyes. They’re the same eyes as mine.

“The last time I talked to my father, he told me about you,” I say, feeling my legs go weak under me. “I always wondered if I’d ever get the chance to meet my half-brother.”