I Found A Man Looking Over The Starboard Railing And Crying About His Dead Wife Tonight

From the adventures of Capt. Heather T. LaFourge, commercial cruise ship Captain. 

He was wailing into the dark abyss, screaming her name. “Franciiiiine!” he screamed.

I told him to pipe down.

“You think you own the abyss out there? That belongs to everybody. Yet you want to fill it up with your Francine. How about I shout all my dead boyfriends’ names, huh?”

I started shouting them. Matt. Palmer. Bartholomew. Felix. Reginald. Jose. Alec Guinness.

“Why do you have so many dead boyfriends?” he asked me.

“I don’t like loose ends,” I said.

When I started screaming names again he grabbed me and planted a kiss on my lips to keep me quiet.

“Forgive me, Francine,” he said, before kissing me again.

We made love in my quarters, then when he got up to leave, I followed him outside and pushed him overboard.

“I’m sending him back to you, Francine,” I said to the night.

I tried to give him a little happiness in his final moments on my ship, but what he wanted more than anything was to be reunited with his wife. It was my duty as Captain to make sure he reached his desired destination.