Why Are Gay Men So Obsessed With Divas?
As a marginalized group, it is no surprise that gays are often characterized by stereotypes. Prior to the 2000s, gay men’s portrayal on mainstream media has been rather minimal, and when they do make it to the screen, their characters are laced with stereotypical narratives. Gay men’s portrayal are often conflated with that of heterosexual women: effeminate, flamboyant, emotional, obsessed with fashion and arts, unable to express masculine elements in any way, and the list goes on. But as the LGBT movement progresses throughout the years, we’ve seen significant changes: more shades of the rainbow and diverse types of gay men has been acknowledged.
However, this article isn’t going to discuss the physical gay subcultures. It’s about a stereotype that is surprisingly true almost all across the aisle, be it to twinks, bears, otters, etc.: the diva obsession.
As someone who is subject to this article, I must admit that gay men’s love for big divas and their songs is just uncanny and it intrigued me so much. Why do gay men seem to love female recording artists so much more than male artists? Put on a Lady GaGa or Christina Aguilera song and I can assure you that 99% of gay men would know the lyrics without missing a beat. Logically (and sexually) speaking, if gay men are attracted to other men, we expect them to fawn over attractive male singers instead of female divas, right? I know lots of gay men who have the hots for Usher, Justin Timberlake, and Michael Buble. But it’s the Dianas, Beyoncés, Pattis, Mariahs, Kylies, Madonnas, and Whitneys of the world who really get their attention. So why is this the case?
We’ve never really had a good answer to this phenomenon, and a view that I’ve encountered quite often is this:
“It seems that part of the explanation is that most of the popular male recording artists don’t seem to want our (read: the gay men’s) attention. While the female divas openly acknowledge their gay fan bases, the men seem afraid to admit that they have gay fans.”
This might be true, seeing how only a few male artists currently embraces their gay fans, like Enrique Iglesias and Nick Jonas. The rest are just either ignorant or indifferent if they have a gay following. But I don’t think that it can answer this phenomenon. The statement above is only valid, if gay men actually search for these artist’s stance on homosexuality first, then listen to their song afterwards. That’s not the case, right? We listen to their music first, then if we like it, we search about their personal details afterwards. I propose a different way of looking at this phenomenon.
Having studied Psychology, I have learned a thing or two about people’s personality, the way people behave, and trying to understand what triggers them to act in such a way. One of the theories that I find very applicative in life is Freud’s Psychoanalysis theory. He views that every individual has 3 elements to their self and personality: Id, Ego, and Superego. Each element controls a different level of consciousness. Id is your pure subconsciousness — your raw instincts and desires; Superego is the element that surpasses the level of individual consciousness, it deals with norms and values that pushes individuals to curb their animalistic instincts; and Ego is the conscious self that tries to bridge the Id and the Superego.
Freud believes (and I too, for that matter) that humans are driven by subconscious drives, and Id contains all the wishes, desires, and needs that demands to be fulfilled. It is Ego’s job to balance the needs of Id and Superego: finding the middle line between gratifying the drives and still adhering to the norms. Ego’s job is to find an avenue for individuals to channel their desires in an acceptable manner.
You might be asking: what the hell does that have to do with the diva obsession? I was just about to get started. I believe that gay men has been longing to be heard for so long, because they have been systematically oppressed and excluded for ages. Even in today’s world where the social attitude aren’t as conservative as it once was, gay men still feel like they’re on the outside looking in, because pervasive social structures remain in place restricting them to truly be themselves.
It is their very deep desires to be let out of the closet: to be free, independent, and be happy — which is the Id element. But of course, they are faced with a dilemmatic situation: they’re not fully accepted and acknowledged by the current norm system — the Superego element. They constantly face persecution, but at the same time, they need to express themselves, they need a catharsis, and that’s when these big divas and their songs come into place — acting as the Ego.
The songs these divas mostly sings are about love, being carefree, standing up for themselves. Especially songs coming from African-American women divas, like Whitney Houston, Diana Ross, and Jennifer Hudson, who soulfully sing about being a member of an ostracized ethnic group, pushed to the margins of the American life. Their songs channels their pain, their sufferings, their vulnerabilities, and also their strength to rise up and face the odds. It was always a different situation for women, because the gender belief system that exists around us made it that much harder for them to make a difference. That’s why gay men are so drawn to their songs. They feel that it’s a music that they, on a very personal level, can relate to.
These divas are singers, actresses, writers, activists who have risen on the top of their fields and left their marks on society. And in the process, they managed, unknowingly, to make an impact on the gay community, as well as the individual gay men and the closeted boys they once were. Their arts helped building the identities of these gay men, guiding them through difficult self-discoveries and insecurities, telling them that they are not alone. These women shaped their lives, inspired them to come out, gave them strength, acted as role models, and simply made these people smile while facing personal hardships and tribulation.
Also remember, these divas have made it through the rain. Janet Jackson started out in a lower-middle class family with the Jackson 5. Mariah Carey came from a divorced family and had to grow up in a tough neighborhood. Whitney Houston survived years of domestic violence by her ex-husband and inspired people, that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. Christina Aguilera lived her childhood years under her father’s physical abuse and emotional torment, and encouraged people to not be ashamed to speak up about their experiences. And to quote Madonna, “When I came to New York, it was the first time I’d ever taken a plane, the first time I’d ever gotten a taxi-cab, the first time for everything. And I came here with $35 in my pocket. It was the bravest thing I’d ever done!”
This, perhaps, is the most inspiring thing about them that any group facing discrimination can relate to. Most of them have started out from the lowest parts of society, and through a good mix of luck, talent, and hard work, have made their way to the top. With the constant fear that our identities and sexualities may hamper our career efforts, their life stories are easily relatable for gay men.
And when it came to learning hard lessons about love, certain divas, like Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, and Leona Lewis, played the role of older sisters, teaching gay men how to survive the loss of love and how to live without love. Because let’s face it, being a gay man is more tough when it comes to love. You have to deal with issues of whether or not the person you are interested in is gay or not, then you have to deal with issues of whether you can connect and have reciprocal feelings, issues of how you want this relationship to be, and also issues on social perception on your relationship. Essentially, it’s a miracle that our emotional baggage haven’t exploded already.
The struggles these divas faces as a woman in a male-dominated situation inspires these gay men to never limit themselves simply because of social restrictions. These divas are vulnerable, yet at the same time: strong, defiant, and willing to liberate themselves as a new persona, beyond the constraints of a patriarchal misogynist world. They refuse to remain as victims of the situation, they refuse to apologize for being who they are. This completely touches the hearts of gay men, regardless masculine or feminine.
Obviously a simpler explanation to this phenomenon is that gay men just have better taste in music (to which I wholeheartedly agree). I just believe that their music isn’t just about a combination of good chords, instruments, and vocals — it’s also about the message they intend to share through it. And let’s face it: divas, for as long as anyone can remember, has spoken to us about their shared experiences of oppression and how they overcome it, and that’s why it’s just so damn empowering and why we’re so obsessed with it.
