Having a strong reality
Sometimes, in the past, I would go through life vaguely. My indecision would be annoying. I’m not talking about indecisiveness in large life matters, more of the little things. The way I’d act, the way I’d carry myself or the things that I’d do and say would be inconsistent and variable.
It’s fine to be variable and unpredictable, so long as it comes from a place of knowing that that is who you are. Me, I was vaguely poking around the bush. I didn’t come across as fun and unpredictable but weak and incongruent – buffeted about by the winds of circumstance and influence.
It takes a bit of thought and effort to decide who you are and what you want your reality to be. You have to sit down and decide. That’s what I did.
For many months, I wasn’t the director of my life story. The root fault was mine. If I was eating food, I’d be eating half-heartedly. If I was reading, I’d do it half-heartedly, without absolute reason and purpose. I’d end up going around and out with family and friends for activities I didn’t want to do. Because I had no compelling reason not to go or do what somebody else suggested. I couldn’t tell them with fullness of voice and certainty, “I’m afraid not, I’ve got this, this and this going on” and go on to describe with passion and excitement what it is and why it’s important.
If you don’t decide what your reality is going to be, it will be decided for you. I don’t know about you, but in my life, I’d like to have the last word on what governs it – not magazines, TV, social media and people around me.
Here’s what I did:
I started free writing about myself. Free writing is a great exercise as it helps you to be more truthful instead of being influenced by society. At first, what I was writing was crap – rambling and random – but gradually, a picture began to emerge. The key is to not stop. I was stumbling and fumbling and I wrote nonsense, but I kept ploughing through the exercise. Towards the end I saw some recurring themes and patterns. If they are recurring, they must be important right? Why else would the subconscious keep offering them up? That’s what free-writing does, tones down your wild mind and lets the deeper intelligence – the subconscious – express itself. And you can always trust the old subconscious.
While writing and reading and re-reading the lengthy document I just created, I found out many things about myself.
The way I want to dress – you want to be a brand, right? Not just some other random dude. I decided on that day how I want to dress – I want jackets, skinny jeans, boots, heavy belts, bracelets and junk jewelry. I filled my right hand with rings. I did some more research, scanned through google images and through my local stores. I modelled my image after Russell Brand, Tyler Durden and Timothy Olyphant in The Girl Next Door. I saw what they wear and more importantly, how they were it. How they hold themselves, how they walk, how they speak and hold eye contact. Consistency and integrity is very important. No going half-assed anymore for me.
This is me of course, everyone doesn’t have to look like a caricature, but that’s my thing. What’s yours? Decide now and know it and own it.
The activities that give me energy, pleasure and stirs my excitement – reading rich, powerful books that educate me and make me smarter, creating music with FL Studio, working out, meditating and eating the kinds of food that make me happy. I also realized I am big into street art and mural painting so I’d be illustrating and sketching things out in my journal. If a friend calls me now to ‘hang out’ – fuck no. No longer was I going to keep castrating myself. My friends deserve better. They don’t want my half assed, mediocre presence. They deserve my excited self, my satisfaction and fulfillment and inspiring energy after I’ve completed what I had to do and then called them to share my passionate energy with.
When I am engaged in doing these things which I’ve truthfully decided I want to do, I feel currents of energy and love not accessible by any drug or alcohol or even human connection. Yes, in fact, the powerful positive energy generated from these activities is what fuels charm and charisma and fosters strong connection with fellow humans. Next.
What I eat – I decided I didn’t necessarily have to eat what everyone else around me was eating. I didn’t have to eat what was the norm, what was generally accepted to be ‘proper’ and even ‘healthy’. I did my own research, based on what nutrition I needed in my life, blasting through the myths of our conformist society. I experimented with diets and stuck with what suited me the most. I don’t just read something and do it. I try it out and evaluate the results. If they add value to my life, they stay, otherwise they’re gone in a flash. Right now I’m going with a variation of the Paleo diet. Decide today what you need to eat to perform best in this world. We get only one life, as far as I know.
What movies I watch and music I listen to – there are plenty of crap movies and music out there which are designed to play on our insecurities and vices and make us feel ok or even good about them. Fuck that. These are designed not to help any of us but solely for the industry to make money off us. How I choose my movies and music would take another post, but think about it and decide what makes you feel good and what is just keeping you stuck in unprofitable cycles.
How I speak – this is a big one. I used to be very shy and socially awkward. Quite a bit on the tentative and timid side. Didn’t have many friends and those friendships weren’t satisfying.
Like everything else, I decided that I won’t be like this.
It wasn’t easy, and maybe in a future post I’ll tell you exactly how I did it.
But the gist of it is this: I researched like a madman, googled, went through self-help books, read the likes of How To Talk To People (not sure if that is a real book, could be) and immersed myself in that shit. Very importantly, I modelled people. I would sit down with my laptop for hours and just watch interviews of Russell Brand. That man is witty as hell. After I finish, I’d get up and when I spoke, I’d naturally be speaking like him, using his phrases and words. Even my body movements tended to be like him. When you are around someone with a powerful personality for even a while every day, bits of them rub off on you.
Modelling men I admire is one of the most powerful, fastest and most effective exercises I do and was recommended to me by Jason Capital, the living genius. Some other men I model are the badass, successful lawyer Harvey Specter from the TV show Suits, Hank Moody from Californication, the charming, sexy guy who attracts every woman without trying and Tyler Durden, the charismatic anti-hero of Fight Club.
I also meditate, and have various other little success rituals which are all immensely powerful. The important thing is that I decided every single one these aspects of my life with careful consideration. Nothing is by accident, nothing is left to chance.
Decide and create your reality. Start today. Or tomorrow. But don’t delay too much. One life is all we get. Have fun creating.