Beyond Love, How Big Are You On Compromise?

Picture Credit (Relationship-Architecture.com)

I know you don't like reading love theories, as a matter of fact, I also hate writing love theories. So a hating reader and a hating writer will have to find a compromise, read, and enjoy the theory of relationships beyond love.

I understood I was big on compromise, not like I don't honestly love to be in charge or grab the driver's seat, but I love to put in a lot of work to remain entangled with whoever is sharing the piloting responsibilities with me. Also, I love to put my option on a "scale of consideration", check the long term effects, and choose rightly.

For a relationship to last, I have watched, asked questions, and read about ingredients to a successful relationship. Throughout my reading and conversation with people, practically everyone acknowledges that love is not eternally the deciding factor when it comes to smoothing the edges of every and any relationship. To put it in a better context, love is truly a propeller, but love is never sufficient to see the relationship through the stormy, rainy, and sunny seasons.

What does compromise mean? I won't use definitions that are cliche, I will trust my instinct to define this in the simplest way ever. Compromise means letting go of a part of you and accepting 'us' while not losing the totality of you at the same time. It's meeting your partner in the middle or going the extra mile of meeting them at the starting point or finish line as the case may be.

Is this right or wrong? Honestly, I am not in the position to tell you the rightness in this or the black shade covering the red eyes, but I know something for sure, individual differences are a major reason why compromise should be a major discussion in relationships. Two people coming together to start a relationship can be beautiful, but we have to understand that they are coming from a different background with a different orientation, and different life experiences, they will share similar takes on issues and hold contrary views on other issues.

While compromising, it's important to note that there are things that shouldn't be on the table, things like your self-esteem, your Growth, family, your time (if it's of essence).

Let me start with sexuality, this is often associated with sex, but it's deeper than that. While going through articles about relationship hacks, I read and watched some interviews that changed my view about sexuality. If you're in a relationship, kindly ask your partner questions about their sexual drive, talk to them about yours, learn what you are doing that affects the way they make sexual decisions, tell them (him/her) how well you're willing to try new stuff with them (him/her) if they decide to tilt towards your side.

So many people don't know what their partner's sexual preference is, they all assume it's the vanilla way or the not too condensed approach, but you're only trying to do it your way and they are not complaining because there is no window to discuss it. Even when discussing those sexual whatever, there are limits, but do you even know them to start with? Now, you can go and ask those questions.

Building a Family is another major issue people argue about in a relationship. Well, I am guilty of this at some point, but I am gradually easing into it. You wanted 3 kids and she said she can only push twice and gave you the option of adopting the third one. It sounds crazy, but in a situation like this, you've to talk extensively about it and find a way to either accept it that way or convince her to agree to push the three and add the big full stop. The truth is, you're never prepared for tragedy, the human mind is wired to put fear into motion once the trigger is being pulled. Also, some amazing women want like 6 kids, those are my queens, thank you for keeping the word of the lord of "Be Fruitful and Multiply".

There was this wedding that took place in 2018 or 2019, a Yoruba wedding where the wife didn't kneel down to feed his husband. A lot of people were irked by this act, most of these people believed the culture should be upheld irrespective of the compromise the coupled involved entered into. The most shocking thing was the reaction of the husband, he also didn't want her to kneel down to feed him (according to the video). But the bottom line is they have had the conversation before that day, and they both agreed to strike it out of their own wedding process and it worked well for them.

Picture Credit (The Ladies Coach)

Loving based on Love Languages. Another reason why you'll be big on compromise is loving people the way they want to be loved and not how you feel they should be loved. If her love language is words of affirmation and you're busy buying gifts, she might find those gifts fancy, but you're not loving her right. My love language is physical touch and gifts, I am so particular about physical touch that I love to discuss this with my partner that is not a fan of physical touch. But guess what? I have never dated anyone that loves to be touched, but we have all been able to find a meeting point to satisfy the craving. Did I tilt? No! We actually talked about it and agreed on having a more liberal approach to it.

There are no rules to compromise, it's nothing yet can be everything. But it's important to fashion out ways to be big on it irrespective of the premium the society placed on those things, you can converse with your partner and work out a model that will work for you perfectly.