Summer Movies You Should Skip
Every summer has its highs and lows. These are the lows of 2017.
Summer is coming, and with it tons of blockbusters. Highly anticipated movies like Alien: Covenant, Baby Driver, or Dunkirk have us on the edge of our seats, waiting impatiently for their release. But what about the bad movies no one tells you about? Those are worth mentioning too — so here are four movies I recommend skipping this summer.
Transformers: The Last Knight
Release Date: June 21 | Metascore Prediction: 35/100
Michael Bay is at it again. For the fifth time he has turned millions of dollars into too much CGI and too many explosions. For the fifth time humans (and robots, and… dinosaurs?) must fight evil robots from outer space to save planet earth. And once more, Mark Wahlberg aka Cade Yeager is firing big-ass guns at big-ass robots, trying to distract from the otherwise nonsensical plot und the evermore dull characters. Yet this time there are not only robots and dinosaurs brawling, but Nazis and King Arthur are involved as well. This might sound strange, but then again it’s the Transformers universe — where trucks can be robots, and robots can be dinosaurs.
Amityville: The Awakening
Release Date: June 30 | Metascore Prediction: 36/100
So here’s an idea: how about you take a spooky house with evil forces ravaging inside, and add a couple of jump scares and some mystery? Sounds too cliché? That’s because Amityville: The Awakening is the latest (and maybe lamest) attempt at reviving the Amityville horror franchise. A task that may prove too big to accomplish, even for the oh so edgy Belle (Bella Thorne).
In the end, you might not even have to make the decision to skip the movie this summer — as it has been delayed shortly before release numerous times.
The Dark Tower
Release Date: August 4 | Metascore Prediction: 67/100
This is one of this year’s movies I wouldn’t call bad per se — but rather simply not worth the watch. The Dark Tower is one of the two Stephen King book adaptations hitting cinemas this year, together with IT in September. If you know about King’s works, you expect a dark and gritty atmosphere, loaded with unraveling characters; but the trailer suggests a more hollow approach. To me, this seems more of an attempt to reap the benefits of King’s name, rather than doing his epic novella justice. In terms of fantasy adaptations, it is probably not going to be the next Eragon, but it won’t be a Lord of the Rings either.
So if you are looking for a generic action flick, go ahead and enjoy yourself — but if you want to experience Stephen King’s dark and mysterious Mid-World on the big screen, then this movie won’t cut it.
The Emoji Movie
Release Date: July 28 | Metascore Prediction: 34/100
“My name is Gene, and I’m supposed to be a meh,” says an emoji that is fed up with being constrained to the emotionless world of emojies and goes on a journey for a way out. With the message of being yourself and not conforming to the norm of fitting in, the movie aspires to reiterate great animated movies from the past, such as Inside Out and The Lego Movie. Yet, below this deep layer of self-exploration might as well be no more than one long commercial for mobile apps.
And as much as I would like to hear the gorgeous voice of Patrick Steward through the mouth of a poo emoji, this movie will probably not be worth sitting through; it will be just another meh. Or as @Amigo_JEP would say: